(updated 21 Jul 03)  

Top Ten Downsides To Owning a Half-Mile Long Microscope

10. Owner of the mile long microscope always calling you to brag. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

9. You might finally identify what is in mystery meat. (shadetree56@yahoo.com)

8. By the time you get to the other end, your specimen has either died, dried out, or crawled off the slide. (genebujold@yahoo.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

7. Bush always asking to borrow it to find Weapons of Mass Destruction. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)

6. "JOE! MOVE THE SLIDE A LITTLE TO THE LEFT!!!!" (murdoctor@aol.com)

5. Confused astronomers always asking to borrow it. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

4. The warranty only covers the first 1,200 feet of it. (dannyboy4343@aol.com)

3. The associated parallax and transient ocular discrepancies tangent to the meniscus surfaces prevent acceptable refraction to occur through the final-focusing aperture---DUH!!! (vogeler@juno.com)

2. No matter what the connotation, "Micro-Man" is not a cool nickname. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

When they said "location, location, location"...I thought they were just talking about the slide...

1. The focus adjustment knob is located in a seedy part of town. (rbrillo8@yahoo.com)

The Ones That Almost Made It