(updated 22 Dec 03)  

Top Ten Lame Excuses Saddam Hussein Gave For Being Captured
(Topic suggested by airfarcewon@aol.com)

10. "My 'Saddam's Not Here' signs should have been written in English." (jaynashvil@aol.com)

9. "One of my wives won the hole in a divorce settlement." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

8. "They didn't teach hiding in Dictator school." (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

7. Knew he could clean up in the Gitmo Superbowl Pool (m.giunta@comcast.net)

6. Suddenly had the urge to reconcile with all that is decent and holy...plus not even hookers would give him the time of day looking like he did. (chharget@aol.com)

5. "Tired of eating dung beetles and drinking lukewarm farqueiout juice; looking forward to 3 squares and cable I've heard so much about in American prison." (kamasushi@aol.com)

4. "Americans are such big babies. I let you win so I don't have to listen to you cry." (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

3. "With my capture, the American infidel taxpayers will take on a nightmarish legal battle with insurmountable lawyer fees which will add to the already ailing economy and thus further drive the U.S. market into a slow, yet crippling, nosedive! Which, incidentally, was all a part of my 'Plan B'." (razcactus@netzero.com)

2. Thought that his captivity would be full of hilarious antics like in that "Hogan's Heroes" show...."Hussein's Heroes" maybe? (razcactus@netzero.com)

Hmmmm....I think you just might have been the biggest contributor...

1. "I'll be managing Bush's re-election campaign!" (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

The Ones That Almost Made It