(updated 22 Nov 04)  

Well, I was too lazy to do the three extra steps for an "almost" category...again...and probably will be until the end of the year. Hey, that way those of you that woulda ended up on the "other" page can get extra Rat's Asses...so don't complain. :)

Top Ten Differences In Having a Baby At 57 Years Old Vs 27 Years Old

12. Instead of pushing the kids in a baby carriage you're towing them behind your Medicare-paid-for electric scooter. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

11. So the breasts sag some at 57! Breast-feeding needn't be a knee-jerk reaction at that age. Actually, for the baby's sake...it better NOT be. (guitartexn@aol.com)

10. You're not sure if the screaming is because of the contractions or the arthritis in your hips. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

9. The doctor uses leather gloves and an oyster shucker. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

8. Your breathing exercises require hooking up to an oxygen tank! (KittysKorner70@aol.com)

7. At 57 you will only remember the pain for another 30 years. (internut36@hotmail.com)

6. Child & Senior Citizen discounts at the same time. (threetreeshill@yahoo.com; sballkuhns@yahoo.com)

5. At 57 you don't mind waking up with the baby every two hours...you gotta pee anyway. (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

4. You experience a much stronger bond with your baby since you're both wearing diapers. (gmg247@yahoo.com)

3. At 27, it was an accident. At 57, you're just looking for someone to take care of you when you get old. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

2. Having to wait till it cries because I forgot where I put it. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

And going thru your second childhood now takes on a whole new meaning...

1. When you say you might not survive the "Terrible Two's", you really aren't kidding. (m.giunta@comcast.net)