(updated 22 Sep 03)  

Top Ten Comments You Will Never Hear At The Emmys

10. Now let's watch a tribute to our Lifetime Achievement Honoree, Bob Saget. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

9. Oh, good! Here comes Joan Rivers! (MrglsJon@aol.com)

8. Stretch out your speech, we're running ahead of schedule. (BPaul317@aol.com)

7. ...and you people out there at home who vegetate in front of the TV and watch this stuff! (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)

6. Can you believe how the WB Network swept up this year? (lexkase@san.rr.com)

5. Thank you, I made it myself. (lacee7700@aol.com)

4. The words "Best" and "Reality Show" in the same sentence. (Fletcher_Sheet@hotmail.com)

3. Here is your seat, Mr. President, right next to Michael Moore. (jrgracey1@aol.com)

2. Do you know how many BJs it took to "win" this award? (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

And you thought those maps of the star's homes were just for fans...

1. And he couldn't be here tonight, but sent this note. "I am currently breaking into all your homes and stealing your junk. F*** you all." (TheFox77@comcast.net)