(updated 24 Mar 03)  

Top Ten Other Changes Planned for This Year's Oscar Ceremonies Besides the Red Carpet Walk

10. Well next year they are planning to ban fat guys named Michael Moore. (whodunit@aol.com)

9. All French films will lose their nominations. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

8. Winners hyperventilation limited to 30 seconds followed by a 15 second sob as a maximum. (Kayvotr@aol.com)

7. All the statuettes will be covered in plastic and duct tape. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

6. Utilize that long poled hook, like in the cartoons, to yank a talkative/political person offstage. (guitartexn@aol.com)

5. Tom Cruise must be introduced as just "Tom"..to avoid panic. (baitsmotel6@aol.com)

4. They will arrive in generic < yawn > Mercedes instead of stretch Limos. Those stars sure know how to connect with everyday people, don't they. < rolling eyes > (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

3. Uma Thurman and Oprah show up together with a severely beaten, bound and gagged David Letterman, explaining the real reason he hasn't been around. (kamasushi@aol.com)

2. "And the winner is... M Night Shyamalan for Signs...we are sorry but Mr. Shyamalan couldn't make it, he was detained at the airport..." (belushimcc@yahoo.com)

I don't know about the others...but Queen Latifah's was definitely packing the MOAB (Mother Off All Bosoms)...

1. Actresses will not be allowed to wear gowns of "Shock and Awe". (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)