(updated 26 May 03)  

Top Ten Signs Your Child Is Never Going to Get Offered a $90 Million Contract

10. They are a senior on probation for throwing feces at a junior. (jeriandgeo@aol.com)

9. She's an intelligent, kind-hearted, articulate and talented young woman... gee, that could NEVER compete with a spoiled brat who can throw an orange ball through a metal hoop. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

8. The little league team assigned him to updating the scoreboard. (murdoctor@aol.com)

7. He thinks a technical foul is a robotic chicken (BikeMike101@aol.com)

6. He answers to the name of Billy Joe Bob. (MIstahtom@Aol.com)

5. She's the top star in the WNBA. (Ouch!) Maybe a 90 dollar contract. (hunkafunk@hotmail.com)

4. Kid thinks that 'nothing but net' means he's grounded, except for Internet access. (kamasushi@aol.com)

3. Although a total lack of talent has a lot to do with it, one can't overlook how stupid the word "Herman" would look on a high top. (mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

2. He's too busy with his crystal meth lab to play sports. (TerriKlein@aol.com)

At least he's never asked for an assist...

1. Your kid spends all day locked in his room claiming to be practicing his "ball handling". (hunkafunk@hotmail.com)