(updated 26 Sep 03)  

Top Ten Signs You Just Might Resemble a Celebrity

10. Aren't you dead? (seeker@vcoms.net)

9. You've been asked to run for the governor of California. (lacee7700@aol.com; FreeLooseDirt@yahoo.com)

8. Cops always pull me over and ask me to sign their ticket books. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)

7. Your one-hour photo sold your prints to the Enquirer. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

6. Madonna wants to kiss you. (L1061S@GO.COM)

5. You can't remember how many times you have been married. (Sugarbaybee69@aol.com)

4. You've just been acquitted of murder. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

3. Restaurant hostess greets you with, "Your table is ready, Mr. Borgnine". (williemelmoth@aol.com)

2. Everyone tells you to "just beat it". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Well, hell...look at me...I'm judging a comedy website!...Uh...nevermind...

1. You are testifying to Congress on a topic you know nothing about. (hmo@colegrovia.com)