(updated 27 Aug 03)  

Top Ten Ways to Make The Farmer's Almanac 'More Happening'

10. Show old, sexy pictures of Mrs. Ben Franklin. (guitartexn@aol.com)

9. Free tablet of "Ol' Farmer Pete's Homemade Ecstasy" with each purchase. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

8. Sell crotchless overalls. (Pastlivesr6@aol.com)

7. Put "Dude, you gotta know this" at the beginning of every sentence. (RangerXman@aol.com)

6. Institute an advice column entitled "Deere John". (HerzogVon@aol.com)

5. Replace farm equipment as topic of "Where to Find the Best Ho's." (nalick@usc.edu)

4. "Farmer's Daughter" photo spread. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)

3. Add special "Shock Expose" section: "THE SICK WORLD OF ANIMAL HUSBANDRY!" (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

2. The on-line Fantasy League for crop yields. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

"Uh, hon...when exactly does the "Full Dawg Moon" occur again?...

1. Provide forecasts for "Bling". (shirtle@hotmail.com)