(updated 29 May 03)  

Top Ten Signs This Memorial Day Weekend Was Your Worst Ever

10. Your attempt at cooking on the grill resulted in an elevation of the terror alert status. (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

9. Sued for sexual harassment for my "Kiss The Cook" apron. (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)

8. After leaving a Catholic memorial mass you're busted at a DUI check point. (wintermaza@hotmail)

7. Cable catastrophe leaves VH1 the only functioning channel, resulting in 72 hours of "Born to Diva". (HerzogVon@aol.com)

6. When you can't wait to return to work on Tuesday. (reidayork@aol.com)

5. We're not sure HOW, but the jet ski's on the dock and the Jeep's on the lake bottom. (seeker@vcoms.net)

4. You have so few friends, you set up your own sobriety checkpoint just to meet people. (craigieb@aol.com)

3. Your little sister thought it would be cool to use tape to spell out the word "turd" on your back while you were asleep sun bathing. (trlymurph@aol.com)

2. Was so bored, I actually called my mother-in-law. (dsader@earthlink.net)

The good news is it will probably win on America's Funniest Home Videos...

1. The most excitement you had was watching your uncle and brother see who could burp the Star-spangled Banner. (trlymurph@aol.com)