(updated 2 Oct 04)  

Top Ten Signs You Might Be Attending a Hick College

Well, I was going to break these out into the "Ones That Almost Made It" list...but because I've had my ice-pick stabbing headache going on day four now (and this is one, actually three less steps for me if I do it this way), plus the fact I really think these are too good...and hell, real hicks can't count anyway, right? ;) I present to you...the extended list:

24. All your fraternity brothers REALLY ARE your brothers (one way or another). (customerwaller@cox.net)

23. Majors include "Handlin' Roadkill." (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

22. All five members of the school band play the jug. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

21. Trick Question! Hicks never make it past high school. (murdoctor@aol.com)

20. Tuition is only four chickens a semester. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

19. Most of your classes are in "John Deere Hall". (murdoctor@aol.com; e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

18. The football team's manager spends 4 hours cleaning chips off cleats each day. (Joe2355@carolina.rr.com)

17. No classes during hunting season. (TyleredOne@aol.com)

16. Your team color is orange so you can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

15. The only supplies you need for finals? A three-legged stool and a bucket. (tainsam@aol.com)

14. You went to the school library, but the book was already checked out. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

13. Your dorm is a pigsty...quite literally. (maxcel200@aol.com)

12. All the hot girls there are already taken by their brothers. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

11. They offer an Off-Rhodes Scholarship in tractor repair. (maxcel200@aol.com)

10. All the chicks have pigtails. Literally! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

9. Your Ph.D. instructor states she "might could" give extra credit. (Hey, don't laugh, I currently attend in Tennessee!) (mychickenlips@aol.com)

8. The Undergrad, Post Grad, and Doctorate programs are referred to as Learnin', Fancy Learnin', and Extra Fancy Learnin'. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

7. Theory of Relativity class is a mess of your cousins all in one room. (guitartexn@aol.com)

6. All the textbooks have "My First" in the title. (Joe2355@carolina.rr.com)

5. Your team makes it to the final four...but too bad nobody can count that high. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

4. Dentistry is taught as a theoretical science. (customerwaller@cox.net)

3. Double-wide dorms. (Seeker@vcoms.net)

2. To save money, they combine their classes on human sexuality and animal husbandry. (chharget@aol.com)

So, you plan on getting a Doctorate in Farmacology, then?...

1. You only have a choice of three fields to go into: Wheat, corn or barley! (maxcel200@aol.com)