(updated 31 Dec 03)  

Top Ten Signs You Are at a Lame New Year's Eve Party

Well...since I am now officially "celebrating"...I decided to let 2003 go out with an extended list...

20. Strongest drink there is Nyquil. (guitartexn@aol.com)

19. Dick's "Rockin' Eve" is the main entertainment and everyone is huddled around the 12" TV to catch it. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

18. When you are asked by the hostess if you'd like anything to drink, and you reply that you would love a martini, she asks with a puzzled look, "How do you make that?" (MedCheryl@aol.com)

17. The buffet is all Oscar Meyer "Lunchables". (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

16. There was just a lot of martini drinking and humor contest judging going on (sorry). (chharget@aol.com)

15. All the people seem to be leaving in ambulances. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

14. A violent brawl erupts between guests who want do the Macarena, and guests who want to do the Achy-Breaky. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

13. The other two people seem just as disgusted at you. (chharget@aol.com)

12. For noisemakers, they hand out Coke cans with a rock shoved inside. (murdoctor@aol.com; MedCheryl@aol.com)

11. All of the decorations are 3 years old, with the last digit crossed out and repeatedly corrected. (murdoctor@aol.com)

10. The theme is Sponge Bob. (genesus224@aol.com)

9. When you walk in you see a big banner announcing that Bob is celebrating his fourth year of sobriety. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

8. An elderly woman hands out "Hello, My Name Is " stickers at the door ... (pat123z@aol.com)

7. Guests are starting up a rousing game of Charades. (genesus224@aol.com)

6. It's full of physicists who calculate what the actual speed of the Times Square Ball would be if it were allowed to free-fall, and then calculate at what time the ball would actually have to be dropped, down to the microsecond. (scalpel@aol.com)

5. Everyone there is a guy. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

4. The idiot host keeps chanting "Tonight we're gonna party like it's four years ago!" and seriously thinks it's funny. (pennhead91@hotmail.com)

3. There's 6 naked fat guys wearing diapers but none of them are "in costume" as Baby New Year. (amazingpfil@yahoo.com)

2. The party hat won't stay glued to my cat's head. (mrsbrak@fastmail.fm)

"And whatever you guys do, since the bedrooms are right above...don't flush the toilet!"...

1. Everyone has to keep quiet after 8:30 because the kids are trying to sleep. (sballkuhns@yahoo.com)