(updated 31 Mar 03)  

Top Ten Signs You Hired the Wrong Lawn/Landscaping Service

10. They arrive in a cement truck. (capndunzzl@yahoo.com)

9. The bastards won't listen when you tell them to avoid that wife-shaped mound in the corner of the yard. (samuraikc2002@aol.com)

8. They figured out a way to water the lawn after 3 cases of beer. (Pootybrew@earthlink.net)

7. The side of the van reads: KRYLON LAWN SERVICE. "We make EVERYTHING green!" (SexNBaklava@aol.com)

6. Keeps muttering, "Heh, heh...you said, `bush'." (chharget@aol.com)

5. Hasn't moved for 3 days, since he told you "To plant a tree in your yard, I must BE a tree your yard". (changetion@yahoo.com)

4. Large-scale strip-mining operation thinly disguised as "terracing". (dinosaur1972@aol.com)

3. You ask them if they weed and seed and they reply, "Lady, our weed ain't got no seeds!" (TerriKlein@aol.com)

2. They use organic fertilizer, but you can still identify the organs. (SSCompose@aol.com)

Of course you can't believe all the crap you read...

1. All the hedge animals are decapitated and "You're next!" is written in the grass with compost. (alextreme@aol.com)