(updated 3 Apr 03)
Top Ten Changes Wal-Mart's Planning Now That It Made #1 On The "Fortune 500" List Again
10. Introduction of "Wally Smiling Hills"...a rollback Arkansas cemetery with discount burial rates for those that never got health insurance or were canned 2 days before they retired. (RWich928@aol.com)
9. Bribe EVEN MORE independent web site operators to announce that once again they were a Fortune 500 company. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
8. All customers will be given an ugly blue smock to wear while they shop. (TTIFRANKS9@AOL.COM)
7. Hire one of the m&m dudes to replace that wimpy looking yellow dot that runs around slashing prices. (email@example.com)
6. Lateral expansion, that is, buying the other 499 companies so only Wal-Mart will remain. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
5. Only the FINER white trash will be allowed into the store now. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)
4. Introduce the Walmart Super-Duper Center. (FROGGGGGGGIE@aol.com)
3. In honor of their ranking, once a year they will have "Don't Treat Customers Like Crap" Day. (email@example.com)
2. Will advertise each day's final purchase free..to keep customers hanging around. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com) ....Hmmmm....considering they are open 24-hours a day...that might be fun to stick around to see...
....but belushimcc realizes it, then capitalizes on that fact...
1. Will introduce their new slogan "The Only Place In the World Where You Can Purchase Butter, a Shotgun, Motor Oil and a Garter-Belt at 3 In the Morning". (firstname.lastname@example.org)