(updated 3 Mar 04)  

Top Ten Oscar Night Worries

10. "Oh, God, I hope my globes look golden." (TheCritic@mind.net)

9. It's a toss up: Joan Rivers trying to interview me/Joan Rivers NOT trying to interview me. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

8. "I hope they don't ask for an invitation." -Ashton Kutcher (endocrom@aol.com)

7. That five-second delay might cause lip sync malfunction. (Ppaycash@aol.com)

6. That an exposé of the New Zealand Board of Tourism's payola would sully the awards. (chharget@aol.com)

5. Renée Zellweger's constant fear that every time she looks over her shoulder someone snaps a photo. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

4. The uproar that will be caused if the Short Subject-Animated nominee from Romania doesn't win !!!!!!!! (jdcoops3@aol.com)

3. "Will I thank all the right people that home viewers don't know?" (mychickenlips@aol.com)

2. James Cameron tries to claim the Oscar for Best Director thinking that "Return of the King" refers to him. (rod.renner@juno.com)

And will Blockbuster shell out the $16.99 on it on the off-chance that someone will actually want to rent it now?...

1. "Was my obscure Indie movie pretentious and low-grossing enough to win?" (cndrnineveh@aol.com)