(updated 4 Jan 04)  

Top Ten Creative Ways to Dispose of Your Christmas Tree

And, unfortunately...the only one to remember...Redecorate it to celebrate the 2nd anniversary of HMO. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Sniff sniff...sigh...

10. Cut off all the branches and wrap the trunk in foil. Then take it on a subway and hold it straight up. When the car gets crowded and people are holding on to the "pole", just get off at the next stop.....without the tree, duh! (polaris75@aol.com)

9. Host a family reunion for Ewell Gibbons' relatives and serve it for dinner. (Dspur57098@aol.com)

8. Don't dispose of it.  Hang plastic hearts off it and now it's a Valentine's Day Tree. Dyed eggs? Easter Tree. And so on through the year. (khalazdad@adelphia.net; Jasmine640@aol.com)

7. Put a red hanky on the back of it, strap a guitar on the front, and call it "Spruce Bringsteen". Make it tour. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

6. Remember those flaming bags of poo on your neighbors porch at Halloween? (AhOLHOL@aol.com)

5. Put on top of the car and see for how many blocks it stays on (in someone else's neighborhood). (DOrr@jam.rr.com)

4. Sell it on eBay as artwork entitled "The Plight of the Amazon.com Rain Forest" (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

3. Stick it in a 5 gallon pot of soil and return it to the nearest Home Depot. Demand your $37.99 back because it died. (MrDelbo@netscape.net; Mychickenlips@aol.com)

2. Try to take it on an airplane. Add plenty of tinsel so it will set off the metal detector. They'll confiscate it from you at the security check, and you can mutter "Oh, darn!" as you leave it there. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

Ah...nothing like starting a redneck Christmas family tradition...

1. Any available pickup truck bed parked at Wal-Mart will do...not..that.. I have...ever done that. (RWich928@aol.com)