(updated 4 Jan 05)  

Top Twenty Signs You're At a Lame New Year's Eve Party

What the heck...we'll start the new year off with a bunch...

20. The next day you actually REMEMBER that you were at a lame New Year's party. (fbmarz@earthlink.net; krazieladie09@aol.com)

19. It is a bunch of guys, and all the conversations start with "Did you see what Captain Piccard did..." (jaberwock@marktwain.com)

18. The countdown is done by The Count from Sesame Street (holtbolt@comcast.net)

17. The hostess herself says she'll sleep with you if you can just get her out of there! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

16. When the countdown starts for the New Year, a debate starts about which time zone has the real time. (guitartexn@aol.com)

15. At 10 PM the guests start looking out the window and saying, "Oh, looks like bad weather; we'd better get going." And they all live in your apartment building. (pjb1671@yahoo.com)

14. Everyone keeps looking at you funny and whispering something that sounds like 'Acrifice'. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

13. The only noise makers are the host's unruly kids. (shep@compascable.net)

12. Nothing to drink but fruit-punch, completely unspiked, and everyone has to leave at 9 because 'Dick Clark is the Devil, see how he never ages? We're not going to indulge his witching-hour idolatry.' (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

11. Everyone actually knows all the words to Auld Lang Syne. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

10. The only music is furnished by cell phone ringtones. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

9. Carson Daly is there. (toby_muresianu@brown.edu)

8. At 9:00 pm the surprise AmWay presentation started. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

7. Your dedicated host refuses to allow her highly contagious double pneumonia to keep her from enjoying the festivities. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

6. You notice a "Sell by 12312004" tag on the package of shrimp you've been eating all night. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

5. You designated a driver for no reason. (shep@compascable.net)

4. The only other guest is a picture of Regis Philbin. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

3. 'So who is gonna win the last chess game of 2005 and earn this 'Chess God of 2005' T-shirt, gentleman? Everyone take a non-alcoholic apple cider, face your rank-designated opponent, and let's do battle.' (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

2. Someone busts out pin the tail on the donkey, and people cheer. (jaberwock@marktwain.com)

Yeah...well see if I'm inviting you again NEXT year!...

1. The highlight of the evening is watching everyone's RA going back down to zero. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)