(updated 5 May 03)  

Top Ten Signs Your Neighbourhood Beautification Project Isn't Working
(Inspired by RWich928@aol.com)

10. The D.E.A. keeps coming in and cutting down all the tall greenery. (Jjambra@aol.com)

9. Refrigerator-lined streets do not have the same feeling as tree-lined streets. (tomcnagy@hotmail.com)

8. Neighbors' Dodge Dart lawn furniture hasn't been painted in years. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

7. Local addicts leave town to find a better class of crack den. (stjarna55@hotmail.com)

6. The fake snow for a "winter wonderland" scene turned out to be DDT. (yellomonkeez@aol.com)

5. Kids are confused when you hand out free chalk and tell them to turn body outlines on the streets into hopscotch boards. (hunkafunk@hotmail.com)

4. Your next-door neighbor used the trunk of his wrecked vehicle as a planter. (Bkelley@aol.com)

3. A big sign is erected on a vacant lot that says: "Future home of the world's largest check cashing store." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

2. Neighbors Dandelion-filled front yard awarded for best floral arrangement. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

But the toxic waste sludge does have that oh so pretty "rainbow" sheen...

1. Two-headed ducks are still emerging from the local pond. (Cheez412@aol.com)