(updated 6 Oct 03)  

Top Ten Ways to Make the Highland Games/Scottish Festivals More Entertaining

10. Recreating the "Braveheart" charging scene by synchronized kilt lifting might be a good idea. (mytimom@aol.com)

9. Combine the beauty pageant and the sheep shearing competition. Until they are sheared, you can't tell the difference anyway. (paullomba@hotmail.com)

8. They could try putting WOMEN in those skirts. (polaris75@aol.com; rose_justice@msn.com)

7. Caber toss now includes a pre-toss tree uprooting including militant environmental protesters. (StanYan1@aol.com)

6. Sean Connery lisp impressions. (pennhead91@hotmail.com)

5. "Highlander" rules -- players fight with swords, loser loses his head, winner lives forever. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

4. Replace the 20-pound stone throw with the 20-pound wet cat toss. Hell, just picking up a wet 20 pound cat would be a blood sport. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

3. Tarts in Tartan! Plaid clad bikini lassies carrying "announcement cards" between events.... won't help the events, but will keep the interest.... up! (AhOLHOL@aol.com)

2. For the ladies, two words: Shoe Mirrors (mikeginks@aol.com)

A game that will really turn more than just your kid's stomach...

1. Haggis Piñatas (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)