(updated 7 Aug 04)  

Top Ten David Letterman "Stupid Pet Tricks" Guaranteed To Get PETA To Shut The Show Down
(Topic suggested by junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Will it float? CATS! (dorr@jam.rr.com) No no no - this is a whole other segment...now to the real list...

10. "Muffy the Flaming Cat will jump through a hoop - oh, did I get that wrong?" (spamalope@access4less.net)

9. "Swiller", the Miller Lite Dolphin whose job it is to recover as many plastic beer can holders as possible in thirty seconds, using only his snout. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

8. Having your amazing poodles jump over the wood chipper. (chharget@aol.com; m.giunta@comcast.net)

7. "A kitten, a kiddie pool, and a quick-burning rope ladder. It's Frisky the Flying Feline!" (robtone247@yahoo.com)

6. "I can make this dog yodel by just squeezing right here between his hind legs." (pjb1671@netscape.net)

5. A chimpanzee who can throw his feces at a target and consistently hit the bulls-eye. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

4. Light a firecracker and have your dog carry it in his mouth and drop it into a bucket of water before it explodes. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

3. "Yes, Dave, I taught my chimp to club seals." (deweyever@attbi.com)

2. The Amazing Feline who stands in the gator's mouth, starring Miss Kitty XVIII. (tainsam@aol.com)

"Uh, Dave...you might want to put on these safety goggles first..."

1. Dave: "Now I'm supposed to fire this .45 caliber pistol at the dog's head and he'll catch it in his teeth?" Guest: "That's right, Dave." (motorbreath2000@netscape.net)