(updated 21 Dec 04)  

Top Ten Ways The Mafia Would Be Different If It Were Run By Rednecks
(Topic suggested by chough3499@aol.com)

The Ones That Almost Made It:

Police would find stolen cars easier, on blocks in the yard. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Instead having you wear "cement shoes" they tie an old still around your neck. (humorbear@aol.com)

The Godpappy I, II and III (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Instead of brass knuckles, they'd use pig knuckles. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Drug trafficking replaced with illegal cable box trade. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Mob informers would first appear on Jerry Springer before appearing in Federal Court. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

The rodeo is fixed. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

During a meeting of bosses it's interrupted when they announce "Gentlemen, start your engines." (dorr@jam.rr.com)

Catch phrase "Fuh-gedaboutit" would become... "You gotta be shittin me!" (bongobill0767@aol.com)

The new Mafia would "take control" of all yard sales, stock car races and county fairs. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

No more bloody horse heads in the bed, Ma can use those for soup! (m.giunta@comcast.net)

Members damned if they'll let a guy named "Gay" Talese write about 'em... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

They'd let you use some farm equipment to dig your own hole. (sootnmoopy@aol.com)

Drive-by hits would be filled with more double-barrel pumping action and screams of "Yeeee-haaawwwwww!!!" (razcactus@netzero.com)

Instead of deals made at Italian Restaurants, they'd be made at a Waffle House. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Harder to keep track of which trunk the body is in when you have 12 cars parked out front. (zcktomcat@aol.com)

Only people whose family fought for the Confederacy during the Civil War could be "made". (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

Four words: sleep with the catfish (lexkase@san.rr.com; seeker@vcoms.net)