(updated 13 Jan 05)  

Top Ten Signs You Might Have a Bad Mechanic

The Ones That Almost Made It:
(These, as always, are in no particular order.)

The only "parts" listed on your bill is 1 roll of duct tape. (mykehalpinstudio@aol.com; dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

He keeps referring to the fuel pump as the "gasolator". (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

He replaces your windshield wipers with a homeless squeegee guy who rides in your back seat. (grumpchong@aol.com)

You ask if he's certified and he says "My shrink says I am." (bjjtoff@tds.net)

He keeps mentioning replacement of the nut behind the wheel. (paracletus3@aol.com)

He says the work's free of charge...if you let him keep the bag of parts he couldn't fit back in. (tainsam@aol.com)

Your wife has to take the car in every Friday. Bad mechanic, very bad mechanic! (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

"Do you know anything about transmissions?"
"Both of yours need to be replaced." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

When you ask for 10W40, he says, "That's right - I still gotta' file my taxes this year." (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

You ask him to charge your battery and he asks: "Visa or MasterCard?" (maxcel200@aol.com)

You call him to help you with your car that won't start, and he says he can't come because HIS car won't start. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

His first name is Goober. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Holds your RV repairs over for six weeks because he's renting it out to a family of four. (humorbear@aol.com)

He tries to talk you into buying the really rich black oil in the milk jugs out back. (RWich928@aol.com)

Bubba's Auto Repair written in permanent marker. Crossed out below it: Bubba's taxidermy and Notary Public. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

On Friday's you get a free oil change and for the ladies, a 50% off Pap Smear thrown in. (humorbear@aol.com)

Your Windshield Washers ain't squirtin'? Wow... Hmm... You gotta take that problem up with the dealership. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

He smells more like cologne than gasoline and motor oil. (dart270@geocities.com)

$250 charge for "rotating the hoses". (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

He giggles when you say "lube job". (DaJakAiss@aol.com)

He asks "Would you mind driving it up on the ramps? I don't know how to drive a stick shift". (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

On the invoice, EVERY part of my car is referred to as a ‘doohickey’. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

His plastic toolbox has a "Fisher Price" logo. (mjgiunta@adelphia.net)

His assistants are always talking about how much trouble he is having with the boat payments. (dart270@geocities.com)

"I'll get right on it dude..., say you wouldn't happen to have one of them four-sided screwdrivers, would ya"? (jbray4@adelphia.net)

He can actually stand there, be looking at me, and wonder why I have a block of wood taped to my clutch pedal (DaphetheRed@yahoo.com)

You take it for tune-up an get it back pimped out. (wintermaza@hotmail.com)

Every time you drive into his shop, he says he just loves your car because he's "gettin' really good at fixin' it!" (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

Sign in the garage proclaims, "Two weeks without a death!" (tpanner@inorbit.com)

After your repair, you find post notes all over the car reading: "Door," "hood," "trunk" and "engine block." (humorbear@aol.com)

You name is Mike and you only put out one album before having to crawl back to Phil Collins and Genesis. (SPTirish@aol.com)

He believes in "bleeding" the oil to keep the car healthy. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)