(updated 8 Jul 05)  

Top Ten Things You Hate About Your Parents Getting Old
(Topic suggested by StickyPickle@aol.com)

The Ones That Almost Made It:

Uncomfortable conversations that start with, "Your mother got me to try some of that Cialis last weekend..." (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Really loud grocery store line conversations about laxatives, hemorrhoid cream, incontinence pads, optical prescriptions and fiber therapies. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

They might forget where they hid the money. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Dad gets forgetful sometimes and brings out the glass with his upper plate in it instead of his drinking glass to the dinner table. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

They keep saying I'm going to have to get a job. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Boxers or briefs? Depends! (hash1029@netzero.net)

They're so proud of the fact that they can still have sex that they actually TALK about it... Eeeeewwwww... (murdoctor@aol.com)

Going out to dinner with the parents means leaving at 4 PM to go to a cafeteria. (seoptimize@comcast.net)

Police once again return your naked father wearing your mother's bra on his head and request that you tell him he is NOT Charles Lindbergh. (RWich928@aol.com)

You have to chew their food for them. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

They're taking all those good drugs that you wish you could get a hold of. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Every damn thing they eat gives them gas now. (saxonraerae7@aol.com)

You can't watch anything on TV with them more challenging than, say, Herbie the Love Bug. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

You go out to dinner on a Sunday evening, and your Dad keeps looking at his watch because he's afraid he going to miss the beginning of "Bonanza". (phaartking@yahoo.com)

You can't mutter under your breath anymore to you father because he has a new set of Beltones. (phaartking@yahoo.com)

The older my dad gets, the younger his girlfriends get. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

When they move into a home you'll have to find someplace else to live. (jdh@ja-ad.com)

They're in their eighties and they're in better shape than you are. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"Alright, that's it. It was funny at first, but now your own grandson got his first 'F' on a History paper. Go in there right now and tell him you were joking when you said that when you were young you had to 'hop around all the time because the Earth hadn't cooled yet..'" (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

They selfishly fritter away my inheritance on HEALTHCARE. (DaJakaiss@optonline.net)

Declining memory or not, I shouldn't have to remind them of my allowance- it’s demeaning! After 45 years, you'd think they'd remember – it’s every other Friday, damnit! (monetmonet@artlover.com)

The embarrassment of buying tampons for my wife is now multiplied by the humiliation of buying Depends for my father. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Sex Sounds: Not only do we have to face the fact that they still DO IT, but now unless their hearing aids are turned up they don't know how loud they are. (gromitopia@yahoo.com)