(updated 16 Mar 05)  

Top Ten Sperm Bank Slogans

Okay, given the sheer volume of entries I received, and I had a hard enough time narrowing it down to just 10...these are in no order whatsoever, preference-wise....but, they were too good NOT to use.

The Ones That Almost Made It:

We'll jerk you around...and you'll LIKE it! (leissuit@msn.com)

Where making your deposit, is an investment in your future! (Belgmorris@aol.com)

Black? Hispanic? White? It doesn't make a vas deferens to us. (leafs_fan02@hotmail.com)

Remove the seed of doubt...use ours instead! (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

We're there if you "need a hand"... (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

Make money "hand over fist"! (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

U.S.Army Future Recruiting Command Savings...Beat all that you can beat. (humorbear@aol.com)

Deposits mature only after 9 months! (guitartexn@aol.com)

We'd tell you to come inside, but that would be redundant. (Guitartexn@aol.com)

Don't blow your wad. Save it. (stan@squidworks.com)

Thank You And Come Again.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; customerwaller@cox.net)

WE..Are the real good hands people! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Looking for an honest excuse to stare at pornography? (kerrn@chiefind.com)

New pitch to hip, urban clients: "We got the real Jizzy no shizzy." (lexkase@san.rr.com)

More than 5,000,000 frozen. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Please donate. Your mother is tired of washing your socks. (Guitartexn@aol.com)

Welcum to the home of Leave it for Beaver... (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

No penalty for early withdrawal. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com; murdoctor@aol.com)

Place your deposit with us and watch it grow !!! (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

New customers are coming every day! (erniedacabdriver@netscape.net)

We take on all comers (maxcel200@aol.com)

We promise "no snickers" when you drop your knickers. ( Obviously, The Sperm Bank of England. ) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Joe's Sperm Bank-- You Spill it, We Chill it (astae@paonline.com)

It's in the bank, if it's not a blank. (jbray4@adelphia.net)

We have the best porn in town! You give us your sample, we'll give you some of ours! (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

Cum here often? (tvornottv1@aol.com)

No fiancee` charges with maximum deposit! (Belgmorris@aol.com)

You don't have to go to Starbucks to get something creamy that comes in a cup. (maxcel200@aol.com)

You wank it, we bank it! (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

Paying ugly geeks to masturbate since 1952 (RWich928@aol.com)

We're in a seedy business.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)