Tweak Of The Week C: Debate-Cam...paign
(Updated 18 Oct 04)
Last time around I asked everyone to pretend they were a Campaign Cam...and pan in on just what President Bush and Senator Kerry were scribbling down at their respective podiums during their debates. I did NOT take sides...I tried to look at it totally "non-politically"...and only concentrated on the actual funny...especially as to what a person would conceivably jot down or doodle. Just to let you know, I left all typos in as submitted...as perhaps they were intentional...
Kerry: "Note to Theresa - Have the boys in the factory put tabasco in the "57" bottles in the next shipment of ketchup to the White House if I don't win election...." (email@example.com)
Bush--------------------------- -------------------------------------------- A B C D E F G H I K J--- A B C D E F G H I J K L N M--- A B C D E F G I H--- Kerry n Edwards sitting in a tree... (sketch of Kerry/Edwards holding hands in a treehouse) Words I used that I'm not sure if they're real: Mastriculate Terrorizedly Delegambits Nukeuler (nookyuler? nuke-yular?) Investigrab Words he used that i don't know: consensus Yurapean (He said pee'n haha) quid pro quo? Distinguished sympathy (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)
Bush: Don't say "thousand points of light" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
George Bush : Dear Diary - Today John Kerry was mean to me, I put on my pouty face to let him know he was hurting my feelings, But he just kept on being a big meany fatty head. (SPTirish@aol.com)
Kerry: Note to self; Don't get a tan for next debate. I can't show embarasment for my opponent's mistakes. (Electronicwaffle@yahoo.com)
Bush: So he won three purple hearts...so what? I won 3 pink hearts, two orange stars, 4 blue diamonds, and a purple horseshoe this morning! (email@example.com)
John Kerry: "Remember to get Jenna's phone # for Bill C." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)
Kerry: 'I didn't not say previously that it was not true that I indeed decide to vote against what I beforehand had voted for'. -no too long... "It is not true to say that I ... (Electronicwaffle@yahoo.com)
Bush --- Al Qaida, not Al Gore is the bad guy. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
George Bush: a picture of himself hitting Kerry over the head with a hammer. John Kerry: a pictue of himself paying someone to hit Bush over the head with a hammer. (SMRbear1@aol.com)
Kerry: Bush is a f*&^ing idiot. I'm John Kerry and I support this message. (email@example.com)
John Kerry: Words Bush won't understand: resolute colossal proliferation credibility inspector bewildered (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Trying to remember a great saying that once came from his father's lips, Bush crosses out the following written sayings: No Nude Texas, No Gnu Taxis, No Nuke Toxics. (email@example.com)
Dubya playing tick tack toe with the guy in his earpiece. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Bush was writing, " Well things could be worse. I could be in Iraq." (email@example.com)
Bush and Kerry: I pray these people don't wise up and vote for Ralph Nader. (HerzogVon@aol.com)
John Kerry: Fire pollsters. I can't possibly be in a dead heat with THIS idiot! (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)
George Bush: Reflecting the sentiment of his look alike, Alfred E. Newman, scribbles across his notepad, "What, me worry?" (MedCheryl@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
George Bush (Written reminder on palm) Before answering any queation ask myself...how would Martin Sheen answer that question. (email@example.com)
George is scribbling: "Remember: Republican=Right." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Kerry writing: "remember, Abe Lincoln was ugly, and he got elected." (email@example.com)
John Kerry: "It doth appear that Georgey boy has been possessed by "Zontar, the Thing from Venus". I statistically gather this by my observation of the small penetration on the back of his neck, which has subsequently been filled by a 1965 Sony transistor radio. Thank you, Zontar, for putting us on an even footing at last." (HerzogVon@aol.com)
John Kerry: "It's now or never, John. Nobody's gonna beat Hillary in '08." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)
The runner-up, who wins the allotted amount of Rat's Asses and an origami creation of their choice...
John Kerry: $5,003,652 @ 4 percent times 2 minutes that the President was speaking, God I love Ketchup, I mean Teresa. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The winner...who will win their allotted amount of Rat's Asses and the child's flip-flops...
Bush: WMD=Weapons of Mass Destruction. WMD=Dubya Medical Doctor. (Heehee) WMD=Where's My Dad? (Help me) WMD=War Mongering Dude.(Texan) WMD=Winning My Debate. Oh Sh%t! The Debate!! (email@example.com)
The prize this time around is a Tamagotchi. You remember those little things that a couple people lost their lives in car crashes because they "had to feed their Tamagotchi or it was going to die"...oh the irony (hey we read the Darwin Awards, too). We aren't exactly sure if it still works - as the battery, or IT, is dead. Regardless, I don't think I'm allowed to mail WITH a battery in it, so it will be removed beforehand anyway. It is quite pink, as you can probably see...and is a genuine one...not one of those fake mock-offs they had when the craze was in full gear. You realize that they will now skyrocket as collectors items like the first Swatches...and I will live to regret this. Be that as it may...that's the prize this time...IF you win this week's quite nonsensical Tweak.
Tweak Of The Weak...uh Week
Listen closely...as this Tweak makes absolutely NO sense. Well, IT does, but we hope YOURS doesn't...within reason. Chharget@aol.com suggested this contest concept, and it's actually strange enough in it's inception that it might prove invaluable...for reasons beknownst only to me, unless of course you can figure it out. Whatever, you say...and you are right...let's move on, shall we? What Chharget suggested was for you to do your worst...make up an absolutely brilliantly BAD Tweak contest idea for us. Now, we know we've already had some that were bad enough NOT to use...but we want a little more out of you - we want creatively bad...wittily bad...bad with no equal in cerebral magnitude (well, okay...some of you are waaay out there...and we hope your Tweaks won't be on a level that we'd need to renew our Discovery magazines to figure out). I would hate to try to explain something that "I" can't understand...so I think you know what I'm saying...just make them "pseudo-understandable"...but wittily funny, dammit! And to make it a tad more interesting...we want you to creatively NAME your contest...you don't have to give us any examples for it (unless it's very confusing...and then we might even ask you for it) - but feel free to send some as well if you'd like. So, again, to simplify: We want a very bad witty, funny, off-the-wall, cerebrally challenging Tweak contest idea...AND your creative title for said contest (examples are optional, unless I ask for them). Chharget, in his apparent "more time than he knows what to do with at work" suggestion to me, sent along these examples, which can only be introduced as "works of brilliant boredom". I give you, his examples (btw, he also wins an origami and howmanyever RA's for this suggestion).
Bible Libel: Pick a famous biblical quote, change a word and attribute it to a contemporary speaker (retaining the ancient Aramaic if you must). Provide original as well. Submit an MP3 file impersonation of your contemporary speaker uttering the newly interesting quote.
How the West Was Pun: Contestants take their favorite western flick from the golden age of 1924 - 1956, and replace at least two words in the title with sound-alikes and revise the story line to make sense with the new title, then cast modern performers to play the roles, and then write the tag line for the movie poster. Provide a link to a film history PhD thesis from a student at the University of Newfoundland to use as a resource."