Tweak Of The Week CII: Cereal Killers
(Updated 5 Dec 04)

Last time around, we wanted you to come up with a new title for a breakfast cereal based on a book (title or author) or film...then do up a little slogan for it as well. Well, I thought you guys couldn't do it - but you continue to amaze me...I think you surpassed even the last contest I thought was your best. I think we definitely have some advertising geniuses playing here. If this isn't the best one yet...it sure ranks up there in the top three. Hopefully everyone will like it as much as we did here at home. I liked a couple so much, I just had to pick more than one winner...and runners-up as well...altho clearly there could have been more.

Mueslix On The Orient Express: Your WHOLE family will KILL to get a bowl!! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Cocoa Psycho Puffs. Why just go cuckoo for breakfast when you can go psycho! (gmg247@yahoo.com)

Lucky Charmed: Demons,witches, potions and spells. the power of 3 in every bite. (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

Romeos and Juliets: They doth teach the torches to burn...they hath nutrients...rich as a combination of all four food groups! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

A Tale of Two Wheaties: It is a far, far better cereal than I have ever known. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

Honeycomb, I Shrunk The Cereal - You're favorite Honeycomb cereal now comes in a mini-size. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

The Count of Monte Cruncho: Watch as our sugar-coated cereal bores holes in your teeth like a pick in a prison wall. (handarazuur@hotmail.com)

Emily Post Toasties: For good breakfast etiquette. (airfarcewon@aol.com)

Bill Clinton: My 'Life' cereal: always feeling those wild oats, serially. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Of Mice and Miniwheats: "Tell me about the frosting, George . . . " (cdmauger@aol.com)

The Day of the [Apple] Jack[al]: An elaborate plot to name a cereal after a fruit that it doesn't taste like... (I'm so confused, now...) (fishjean@sonic.net)

EarthQuaker Oatmeal: The epicenter of a great breakfast! (gmg247@yahoo.com)

Children of the Corn Flakes: Eat quickly. The children are coming! (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Robert Frosted Flakes: Two bowls diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not partake of both. (cdmauger@aol.com)

The Grape Nuts Of Wrath: Authentic Depression Era Flavor and Goodness In Every Bite. Free Dust Bowl Inside! (gmg247@yahoo.com)

Chex and the Single Girl: When these little beauties get together for breakfast -- it's a party in a bowl... (fishjean@sonic.net)

Silence Of The Golden Grahams: Sweet, balanced nutrition for those with a discriminating palate! Free packet of fava beans inside! (gmg247@yahoo.com)

A Raisin Bran In The Sun: Struggling with nutritional conflict in your diet? Try this delicious alternative! (gmg247@yahoo.com)

Children of the Corn Flakes...your kids will make you love them. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

Oscar Wilde Oats: There are two types of people; those who eat Oscar Wilde Oats and those who wish they were eating them. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Grapes of Wrath Nuts: From the Dust Bowl to Your Bowl - it tastes OK! (rod.renner@juno.com)

Crispy Wheat and Raisin Arizona: Nicolas Cage stops every few miles for another bowl of these tasty morsels. (cdmauger@aol.com)

RavenBran: Quoth Irregularity, "Nevermore" (airfarcewon@aol.com)

TOTAL Recall: After you eat our nutritious, fully-fortified cereal, you'll taste it again over and over through the course of the day. (stan@squidworks.com)

The runners-up...who win Rat's Asses and origami creations of their choice (from our list)...

Fausted flakes: So good, you'll sell your soul for more. (catbiddle@brown.edu)

Cheeri-O.Henrys...full of vitamins and irony. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

The winners...who get the Rat's Asses and the lovely "holiday-themed" window stick-ons...

The Inedibles: Cereal shaped like comic superheroes, but whose boxes are still on the shelf years past the "Sell By" date. (rod.renner@juno.com)

MaTrix...There is no spoon-ful of better tasting cereal. (noncomposmentiss@aol.com) (Not to sound condescending, but I had to explain this one here at home, so if you don't 'get' this...please feel free to email me.)



Well, altho it won't get to you by Christmas...unless we are speaking Christmas 2005...but...they are Christmassy...and kinda keeping in line with our new Tweak contest idea. It's a Christmas Flag...it is brand new...made of lightweight cloth and measures approximately 3' x 4'...we didn't measure it - but you know the deal - it's one of those things you hang outside on a pole. Anyway, this is the prize if you win the Tweak this time around. (I think they are the same one as shown here...if not, it's still a holiday motif.)


I Just Don't Buy It

With the holidays just around the corner here, I thought it would be interesting to poke fun at the consumer...by way of marketing products and advertising gimmicks. You have to admit...if there weren't people out there willing to buy dumbass products...there wouldn't be these products to start with...but chances are, if you make it...someone will buy it. Now, I'm not about to point fingers at certain products, because...who knows, maybe you know someone who bought it...or maybe you, yourself did...and who am I to judge...well, other than this contest (yeah yeah...I hear you muttering under your breath). Which brings us around to the contest at hand. What we want you to do this time around is to come up with a product that hasn't been made yet (or at least that you honestly didn't know wasn't invented)...but not just a product, but a REALLY uncalled for, far-fetched, or otherwise just plain moronic product...then come up with a marketing gimmick for it that makes it "unique" and/or an advertising strategy for it. This can be any form of gimmick or advertisement...a jingle, a slogan, the name itself, etc., anything that kinda makes sense in today's society. Disclaimers are also welcomed.

Here's a couple examples that I thought of the other day driving my daughter home from school...for some reason they are "underwear" based...don't ask me why.

Examples:

Barney Training Underpants for Children: They have one of those little "push to play" song buttons sewn into in the waistband that plays this tune when you press it: "I love you, you love me...pull your undies down before you pee. You're a big kid now and you should be so proud...c'mon now and sing it loud."

"Shocking" Pink Training Underpants: "Teaches your little one to be toilet-trained by sending a slight tingling shock to your child's bottom at the slightest detection of wetness by the moisture-sensitive pad built inside." 1-9 Volt battery (not included) required for operation. Disclaimer: Not intended for children under 4 years of age. Not for swimming. Do not allow child to sleep in underwear unless he is toilet-trained. Please remove battery and moisture-sensitive pad before washing. Clean moisture sensitive pad with a slightly damp cloth and dry completely before reinserting into garment. Discard product immediately if any sign of wear, i.e., wires protruding, battery oozing, emitting a constant shock, etc., occurs.