Tweak Of The Week CV: Questions...Not Answers V
(Updated 13 Feb 05)

Last time around we gave you a bunch of "answers" and wanted you to answer them HMO Jeopardy! style. Little did I know we'd have a billion entries...and as such, this "read" will take a while. So grab a chair and a tasty beverage or snack and hopefully enjoy as much as I did. I put these in "answer" order so they are easier to read. Also, they are not in any type of "which was better" order...whew!...as that would have taken me another 3 days to figure out.

Oldly go where no man has gone before: What is the title of the next Star Trek sequel? (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com; robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Oldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before: What do the residents of the Retired Lesbians Home do to each other when they're feeling frisky? (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

Whorigami animals: What is the world's oldest form of paper folding? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Whorigami Animals - What are the Rats Ass Prizes over at www.WhorMeOnline.com? (DOrr@jam.rr.com; robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Whorigami Animals: Of the many types of origami animals, which ones come with blinking red eyes? (LARRYCALLTEX@AOL.COM)

Route of all evil: What is Route 666? (maxcel200@aol.com; tonkatalk@aol.com)

The route of all evil - What's another name for the Washington DC Beltway? (ListenBucko@yahoo.com)

The route of all evil: What road do you find yourself on when you take those first tentative steps toward becoming a lawyer? (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Route of all evil: What is that red line showing the path leading to the section beyond and behind the swinging door at your local video store? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Eminem Opie: What proceeds q,r,s, profani-t? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Eminem Opie: What does Mike Tyson think comes after "L" in the alphabet? (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

Eminem Opie: Who always comes before Cure Estee, Yuvee Dubya, and Ekswye Zee? (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

Jacobean and Meyers: Where would you go to sue someone if you think you had 'joust cause'? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Jacobean & Meyers: What is the name of Marie Antoinette's (losing) legal team? (paracletus3@aol.com)

All Swell that ends well: How might a surgeon describe a successful hemorrhoid operation? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

All Swell That Ends Well: What is the rejected slogan for Levitra? (candaceelder2002@yahoo.com; ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

It's not got much rat in it. What is New York's New School Lunch Program Mission Statement? (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

It's not got much rat in it: How does Olive Garden promote it's special on ratatouille? (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Debbie Reynolds Wrap: What do you use to keep light, leftover desserts like the Unsinkable Molly Brown Betty? (humorbear@aol.com)

Cockles and Muscles: Name San Francisco's New Seafood Restaurant. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

Cockles and Muscles: What two words just don't fit together, when describing most male bodybuilders? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Cannibal's Soup: What's so chunky that not only will you need a fork, but a knife and a scalpel? (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

Cannibal's Soup...What kind of food is "hand"made at home? (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Cannibal's soup: What's the only soup that would be in two sections of your newspaper: the grocery section and the obituaries? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Cannibal's Soup: What was the initial working title for the movie Soylent Green? (tpanner@inorbit.com)

Cannibal soup: What soup will have you thinking: 'are those matzoh balls'? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Paper or Plastic? What question was originally asked when you first checked out an army humvee in Iraq regarding type of armament? (humorbear@aol.com)

Paper or Plastic?: What can baggers at grocery stores in Los Angeles get away with asking while looking at customers' boobs? (stan@squidworks.com)

Paper or plastic: What kind of cutlery is found inside an inflatable pub? (paracletus3@aol.com)

Paper or Plastic... What does the new low cost funeral home ask you first? (SSCompose@aol.com)

Eye spyware: What would you call a potato bug? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Not so living Will: The first zombie was? (bobshush2@yahoo.com)

Not so living will: If the arrow missed the apple what might Tell be? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Baskin Robinson: What was Crusoe called while laying in the sun (bjjtoff@tds.net)

Baskin-Robinson: Where can asking about the ice cream ingredients get the response of "One word - Plastics?" (dart270@geocities.com)

Put a sock in it: What is Nike's new ad slogan?? (gastlamba@hotmail.com)

Put a sock in it: What was Shari Lewis' retort to her hubby when they were arguing? (lacee7700@aol.com)

Put a sock in it: What boy bands do before taking the stage in their leather pants? (SPTirish@aol.com)

Better latte than never: What's preferable to being stood up altogether for a date at Starbucks? (maxcel200@aol.com)

eBay of Pigs: What auction house smuggles in the best Cuban cigars? (paracletus3@aol.com)

eBay of Pigs: Where might one purchase a used police badge? (cdmauger@aol.com)

Courtney Love Handles: What did Kurt Cobain call Courtney's ears? (jdcoops3@aol.com)

Sue-age: What's another name for the Juryassic-age? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Sue-Age: Anthropologists say America is now in what age of mankind? (bobshush2@yahoo.com)

Sue-age: According to anthropologists, what do we call the period of peak popularity for really bad Johnny Cash songs? (HerzogVon@aol.com)

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What is something else that can turn your stomach and may no longer be in Bush's Cabinet? (maxcel200@aol.com)

George W. Bush's baked beans: What ELSE will underprivileged Americans have to swallow for four more years? (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What is the only brand of baked beans that is always half-baked? (maxcel200@aol.com)

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What makes all those republican politicians on Capital Hill blow hot air with a smile? (ubinrude@peoplepc.com)

That changes everything: What did the man say to his fiancee after meeting her parents? (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

That changes everything: What is marriage? (ubinrude@peoplepc.com)

That changes everything: What would President Bush's core electorate group cry out in unison if it were revealed that Bush were Jewish? (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

That changes everything: What is the lack of weapons of mass destruction? (kycatzrock@yahoo.com)

As close as a razor can get: What were john Bobbitt's last words before passing out? (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Hold the lettuce: As a courtesy, what should a woman do when she "blows the carrot?" (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

The runner-up, who will receive the Rat's Asses and also the origami of their choice...

The customers always write: What is the new motto for the US Postal Service? (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

The winner...who wins the Rat's Asses and the Christmas Yard Art making thingy...

Eminem Opie: What would make "The Andy Griffith Show" get a bad rap? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)



Our prize this time around for winning this Tweak Of The Week is a plastic coffee scoop from "The Fresh Market" - my absolutely favourite store in this area. Yes, I can go broke shopping there...and I'm trying my hardest to fulfill that fantasy. Anyway, this scoop states that "1 scoop = 2 cups of coffee"...and not only that, it sports "The Fresh Market" in green on the handle. This spiffy prize can be yours....IF you win this week's Tweak.


Add-vertising

The idea behind this Tweak is we want you to take an actual advertising line but add a little to it. It can be a present-day one - or one from the past...just as long as the actual product, etc., existed. Please don't make me look up your product - in other words, include it before your ad-line as shown in the examples I came up with below. We are looking for the usual...funny/witty/off-the-wall. Use your imagination...they can rhyme, they can be truthful...or they can be totally far-fetched. As long as the product exists/once existed...that's all we care about...well, besides the funny.

BrylCreem: A little dab'll do ya...but ya still ain't gonna screw 'er.

Budweiser: The king of beers...if you are ruling a really small third-world country who are pretty much used to drinking their own urine.

Hallmark: When you care enough to send the very best...but only want to pop for a stupid card, you cheap bastard.