Tweak Of The Week CV: Questions...Not Answers V
(Updated 13 Feb 05)

Last time around we gave you a bunch of "answers" and wanted you to answer them HMO Jeopardy! style. Little did I know we'd have a billion entries...and as such, this "read" will take a while. So grab a chair and a tasty beverage or snack and hopefully enjoy as much as I did. I put these in "answer" order so they are easier to read. Also, they are not in any type of "which was better" order...whew! that would have taken me another 3 days to figure out.

Oldly go where no man has gone before: What is the title of the next Star Trek sequel? (;

Oldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before: What do the residents of the Retired Lesbians Home do to each other when they're feeling frisky? (

Whorigami animals: What is the world's oldest form of paper folding? (

Whorigami Animals - What are the Rats Ass Prizes over at (;

Whorigami Animals: Of the many types of origami animals, which ones come with blinking red eyes? (LARRYCALLTEX@AOL.COM)

Route of all evil: What is Route 666? (;

The route of all evil - What's another name for the Washington DC Beltway? (

The route of all evil: What road do you find yourself on when you take those first tentative steps toward becoming a lawyer? (

Route of all evil: What is that red line showing the path leading to the section beyond and behind the swinging door at your local video store? (

Eminem Opie: What proceeds q,r,s, profani-t? (

Eminem Opie: What does Mike Tyson think comes after "L" in the alphabet? (

Eminem Opie: Who always comes before Cure Estee, Yuvee Dubya, and Ekswye Zee? (

Jacobean and Meyers: Where would you go to sue someone if you think you had 'joust cause'? (

Jacobean & Meyers: What is the name of Marie Antoinette's (losing) legal team? (

All Swell that ends well: How might a surgeon describe a successful hemorrhoid operation? (

All Swell That Ends Well: What is the rejected slogan for Levitra? (;

It's not got much rat in it. What is New York's New School Lunch Program Mission Statement? (

It's not got much rat in it: How does Olive Garden promote it's special on ratatouille? (

Debbie Reynolds Wrap: What do you use to keep light, leftover desserts like the Unsinkable Molly Brown Betty? (

Cockles and Muscles: Name San Francisco's New Seafood Restaurant. (

Cockles and Muscles: What two words just don't fit together, when describing most male bodybuilders? (

Cannibal's Soup: What's so chunky that not only will you need a fork, but a knife and a scalpel? (

Cannibal's Soup...What kind of food is "hand"made at home? (

Cannibal's soup: What's the only soup that would be in two sections of your newspaper: the grocery section and the obituaries? (

Cannibal's Soup: What was the initial working title for the movie Soylent Green? (

Cannibal soup: What soup will have you thinking: 'are those matzoh balls'? (

Paper or Plastic? What question was originally asked when you first checked out an army humvee in Iraq regarding type of armament? (

Paper or Plastic?: What can baggers at grocery stores in Los Angeles get away with asking while looking at customers' boobs? (

Paper or plastic: What kind of cutlery is found inside an inflatable pub? (

Paper or Plastic... What does the new low cost funeral home ask you first? (

Eye spyware: What would you call a potato bug? (

Not so living Will: The first zombie was? (

Not so living will: If the arrow missed the apple what might Tell be? (

Baskin Robinson: What was Crusoe called while laying in the sun (

Baskin-Robinson: Where can asking about the ice cream ingredients get the response of "One word - Plastics?" (

Put a sock in it: What is Nike's new ad slogan?? (

Put a sock in it: What was Shari Lewis' retort to her hubby when they were arguing? (

Put a sock in it: What boy bands do before taking the stage in their leather pants? (

Better latte than never: What's preferable to being stood up altogether for a date at Starbucks? (

eBay of Pigs: What auction house smuggles in the best Cuban cigars? (

eBay of Pigs: Where might one purchase a used police badge? (

Courtney Love Handles: What did Kurt Cobain call Courtney's ears? (

Sue-age: What's another name for the Juryassic-age? (

Sue-Age: Anthropologists say America is now in what age of mankind? (

Sue-age: According to anthropologists, what do we call the period of peak popularity for really bad Johnny Cash songs? (

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What is something else that can turn your stomach and may no longer be in Bush's Cabinet? (

George W. Bush's baked beans: What ELSE will underprivileged Americans have to swallow for four more years? (

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What is the only brand of baked beans that is always half-baked? (

George W. Bush's Baked Beans: What makes all those republican politicians on Capital Hill blow hot air with a smile? (

That changes everything: What did the man say to his fiancee after meeting her parents? (

That changes everything: What is marriage? (

That changes everything: What would President Bush's core electorate group cry out in unison if it were revealed that Bush were Jewish? (

That changes everything: What is the lack of weapons of mass destruction? (

As close as a razor can get: What were john Bobbitt's last words before passing out? (

Hold the lettuce: As a courtesy, what should a woman do when she "blows the carrot?" (

The runner-up, who will receive the Rat's Asses and also the origami of their choice...

The customers always write: What is the new motto for the US Postal Service? (

The winner...who wins the Rat's Asses and the Christmas Yard Art making thingy...

Eminem Opie: What would make "The Andy Griffith Show" get a bad rap? (

Our prize this time around for winning this Tweak Of The Week is a plastic coffee scoop from "The Fresh Market" - my absolutely favourite store in this area. Yes, I can go broke shopping there...and I'm trying my hardest to fulfill that fantasy. Anyway, this scoop states that "1 scoop = 2 cups of coffee"...and not only that, it sports "The Fresh Market" in green on the handle. This spiffy prize can be yours....IF you win this week's Tweak.


The idea behind this Tweak is we want you to take an actual advertising line but add a little to it. It can be a present-day one - or one from the past...just as long as the actual product, etc., existed. Please don't make me look up your product - in other words, include it before your ad-line as shown in the examples I came up with below. We are looking for the usual...funny/witty/off-the-wall. Use your imagination...they can rhyme, they can be truthful...or they can be totally far-fetched. As long as the product exists/once existed...that's all we care about...well, besides the funny.

BrylCreem: A little dab'll do ya...but ya still ain't gonna screw 'er.

Budweiser: The king of beers...if you are ruling a really small third-world country who are pretty much used to drinking their own urine.

Hallmark: When you care enough to send the very best...but only want to pop for a stupid card, you cheap bastard.