Tweak Of The Week CVIII: Televisionaries
(Updated 30 Apr 05)

Last time around we wanted you to do a take on a show's title and then incorporate it into something to make fun of a monologue or the like. Some of you must not have understood my instructions clearly...but the rest of you seemed to get the point - or at least the one I was trying to get across...some of you came up with your own versions, but perhaps we'll save those for another Tweak idea in the future. For now we offer up these lovely disses...

Judging Amy: OK...5 years for a bad show and 5 years for bad acting. (

Anyone that can sit through an hour of this is definitely a "Survivor". (

Guess I can go to bed early tonight. It's a r"ER"un again. (

"Full House"... guess what it's full OF? (

"Deadwood" -- on "non-commercial" HBO because Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra would never buy ad time. (

Beverly Hills 90210... its the zip code, AND how many co-stars, directors and producers Shannon Doherty has pissed off. (

"Lost" the last minute of the show because my TiVo stops at 1 hour. (If you have TiVo, you know what I mean.) (

NUMB3RS---The 3 is for how many people watch. (

How can he be "The Lone Ranger" when he has his faithful Indian companion Tonto and Silver to keep him "company"? (

I think "Hope & Faith" is the only thing keeping that show alive. (

We called it "The Big Valley" because that's what immediately came to mind when we looked at Linda Evans' cleavage. (

"Alias": If you had a show that sucked as bad as we do, you wouldn't give your right name either. (

That Seventies Show...again, this is referring to the age of most of it's viewers. (

Is this a crappy show? "Yes, Dear." (

"Everyone Loves Raymond's" salary and wants the same. (

"Cold Case": because you'll need to down a cold case of brew to forget all this nonsense of the past. (

As far as I'm concerned, NYPD blew. (

The Runner-up: Who receives one of those "hand on the hip" looks if those Trading Spaces people ever would come to my site to read anything...and some Rat's Asses...and an origami...

"Trading Spaces" - Look, I want to see the "trading punches" that they edit out when the other family ruins someone's home. (

The co-winners...who each receive a little plastic shot glass...and the appropriate number of Rat's Asses I'll have to look up to see how many of...again...

The Best Damn Sports Show Period: Tell can this show ever appeal to men if it ends with a period? (

"Lost" what I am, since I didn't start watching at the beginning of the season. (

The prize this time around is timely...but you won't get it in time...but that's not what it's all about anyway. It's about winning free stuff you would never bother getting yourself...face it, free is fun. Of course those people who came up with "the best things in life are free"...never visited HMO...but that's not the point. Well, Cinco de Mayo is right around the corner so I thought giving away this Walmart freebie recipe booklet would be in order. Hey, you probably can't get this one anymore, since it was from last I am sure it is much coveted. (This is the point where you are supposed to go along with me here.) Anyway, it's a little recipe book titled "Fiesta Celebration Ideas" in both English and Spanish featuring a whopping eight recipes...but it does have photos. Anyway...this Walmart recipe keepsake can be yours if you win this Tweak. (Photo to follow shortly.)

A Change For The Letter - The Movie Version

We've done a similar premise before for words...and perhaps drugs...but I don't think we've done it for films. So, this time we are going to the movies...literally. What we want you to do is to change, delete or add ONE letter...and one letter only, from any movie title...coming up with a whole different movie, and then give us a plot based on the change. Again, as usual, we are looking for funny, witty or just plain off-the-wall entries. It's really not that difficult, and as usual, has all the movies you would ever want to give you ideas. You can check out my examples below if you need some more guidance. Please give us the original movie title along with the changed one.


Finding Nemo - Finding Neo: Something's fishy in the matrix as Neo's the one being reeled into believing a bunch of new stuff told to him. All the while he's being followed by agents with special effect abilities that might as well be Pixar animation.

The Last of the Mohicans - The Past of the Mohicans: Sure you've seen the ending of the we take you back from the beginning in a 10-hour epic movie event. Of course it's boring as hell...but it has Daniel Day-Lewis in it, and personally I could watch him all day...hanging wallpaper even...changing a me dinner, etc.