Tweak Of The Week CXIII: Watched Films
(Updated 3 Sep 05)

Last time around we asked you to take any bona fide movie and go back in time and do a Pre-quel to it...some were quite witty as you can see for yourself.

The Shawshank Tedium: The life of Andy Dufresne is exceedingly boring before the murder of his wife. See his accounting firsthand! See how he is rather plain when he is not being threatened by Jail Rape or the Kurgan. Meet the shrewy wife he'll turn out to be much better off without in this, the fabulous prequel to the infamous "Shawshank Redemption". (

King Kong -- Prince Kong: The young Kong must play second banana as he awaits his ailing fathers demise and his own accession to the throne. Aldo Ray co-stars as the love interest (warning: brief nudity, monkey spanking). (

Jurassic Park -- Jurassic Playground: John Hammond, fresh out of college, designs an elementary school playground with a dinosaur theme. But the swings are positioned too close to the toothy T-Rex tunnel head at the end of the slide. The sandbox turns out to have an underground stream beneath it. The maze has no exit. Then things start to really go wrong. (

Mission Impossible -- Mission Possible: A story of a failed mission set 20 years ago about a team who tried to convince Tom Cruise to leave Scientology before it completely took over his mind and turned him into a babbling lunatic. (

12 Angry Men -- 1 STD Tested Woman: One week in the life of Paris Hilton. (

Pulp Fiction -- Pulp Reference: A documentary in which director Quentin Tarantino checks out a book on acting methods which he promptly fails to read. (

Born Yesterday -- Born The Day Before Yesterday: In this flick, blondes finally get vindication as Judy Holliday proves she's not dumb..just ahead of her time. (

The Silence of the Lambs -- The Baa-Baa-ing of the Lambs: The damn noise drives Hannibal to find a why to silence them!! (

Rain Man -- Pleasant and Sunny Man: The movie Tom Cruise made BEFORE he became an expert on psychiatry. (

Dazed and Confused -- Dizzy and Kinda Nauseous: The preteens try their first beer and dip of tobacco. It gets really wild when Randy "Pink" Floyd accidentally swallows the "juice". Follow all there shenanigans as they prepare for the biggest thing in their lives...the sixth grade! (

March of the Penguins -- February of the Penguins: Basically, nothing happens. it's just a lot of feetage of penguins packing for the long trip. (

The Graduate -- The Underclassman: Dustin Hoffman stars as a high school sophomore, whose average-looking, older woman next door seeks a platonic friendship with him. (

The Last Picture Show -- The Next to Last Picture Show: Absolutely nothing happens in a small Texas town, as everyone is waiting for the final showing before spewing their life stories. Cybill Shepherd practices being a bitch. (

The Day the Earth Stood Still -- The Day Before the Day the Earth Stood Still: Humans go about their business as Klaatu searches for more robot wax to have Gort looking spiffy for his debut in Washington. (

The winner, who wins 30 Rat's Asses and an origami creation off the list...

Bride of Frankenstein -- The Fiancée of Frankenstein: The marriage is almost called off when the monster realizes how much money he will have to shell out the rest of his life on his wife for makeup and hair mousse. (

The winner, who wins that dazzling quite used edition of War Of The Worlds...abject humil...uh, the admiration of millions...and the 50 Rat's Asses...

Good Will Hunting -- Good Will Gathering: Chronicles Will Hunting's attempt to make a few extra bucks by picking up aluminum cans prior to landing his lucrative janitor position. (

The prize this time around is something my son picked up at Best Buy as they were doling them out free. See? Even he's on the lookout for Tweak prizes...what a chip off the old block. I believe its value is about 1/10th of a can do the math. It is a free excusive sneak preview (yes, it says that...I didn't) of "Stealth", the movie that is probably due out on DVD next month. Let's turn this puppy over and see what's inside, shall we? Why it's chock full of exclusive sneak peeks of Stealth (duh), theatrical trailers for upcoming films such as "The Legend of Zorro, The DaVinci Code...and more!" Yes, again, it said that. And some other trailers for movies I've never heard of. It is still sealed and waiting to be dropped in your mailbox...IF you win this Tweak.  (Photo to follow shortly.)

Letter Rip

The Tweak this time around is based on know, those things like SCUBA meaning Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. Now this won't be the easiest Tweak, but I am sure you can more than handle it. What we want you to do is to take someone in celebrity status, alive or dead, and do an acronym which somehow describes them based on the letters in their name . You can add small words, such as "a, an, the" between the words...but keep in mind that those who don't, get more credit. Of course, as always, the wittier, funnier, more off-the-wall, the better...and don't hold they probably deserve it. I've done the first one for you - my only example as I don't want to think any more than humanly possible, but it should give you some idea of what we are looking for.


TOM CRUISE: Theatrically Overdone Moron Causing Recurrent Use In Sanitation Effluence