Tweak Of The Week CXIV: Letter Rip
(Updated 8 Oct 05)

Last time around we tasked you to come up with an acronym based on letters in a celebrity's name. We told you that you could put in "extra" words...but if you did, you wouldn't get as many "brownie points". So there's a couple here that did just that...or combined words to make it fit...but I thought their work warranted being shown...and it's my site, so I get to make the final decisions. As you can see, you guys did an exemplary job...and there were many that were contenders to the win...judging this one was not an easy task as you can see for yourselves.

MICHAEL BROWN: Moron In Charge Has Absolutely Even Less Business Ruining Our Wonderful NewOrleans (MrglsJon@aol.com)

BRAD PITT: Boring Rather Attractive Dumb Person Imitates Talented Twits (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

TOM JONES: Tired Old Man Just Offering Noisily Emitted Sounds (edprocoat@msn.com)

STING: Singer That Is Not Great (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

DREW BARRYMORE: Darling Really Elegant Woman Bought Alcohol Regularly Ruining Youth Making Occasional Rehab Expected (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

JERRY SPRINGER: Just Enough Rauchy Ridiculous Yokels Screaming Profanities Resulting In Nudity Gratuitously Escalating Ratings (Kempter815@cs.com)

PARIS HILTON: Pretty And Rich Is Sufficient. Her Intelligence Likely To Overwhelm Nobody. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

BARRY BONDS - Baseball's Antihero Ranting, Raving Yearly, Battling Old-age Necessitating Doing Steriods (cdmauger@aol.com)

J-LO: Jutting-Like Out (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

CARROT TOP: Comedian And Redhead Relying On Those Tons Of Props (shep@peoplepc.com)

MADONNA: Mature Agressive Diva Of No New Activities (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

PATRICK STEWART: Positively And Totally Reigning Intergalactic Commander King of Star Trek Enthusiasts Worldwide And Respected Totalitarian (manpretty@gmail.com)

QUEEN LATIFAH: Quaint Unique Entrepreneur Exhibiting New Likeability And Talent In Films At Hollywood (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

TYRA BANKS: Talk? Yeah, Right; Another Boring-Ass Needless Kitch Show (MrglsJon@aol.com)

DICK CHENEY: Dastardly Insidious Cheating Killjoy Consistently Heisting Everyone's Needed Economic Yield (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

GEORGE W BUSH: Gee, Everybody Oughta Ration Gasoline, Especially With Billion$ Undoubtedly Supporting Haliburton! (kempter815@cs.com)

TERRELL OWENS: Titanic Ego Running Rampant in Eagles' Lineup Limitless Obnoxious Ways Elicit Nation's Scorn (cdmauger@aol.com)

PARIS HILTON: Possibly Attractive Rack, Incredibly Skinny, Highfaluting Imbicile who Lost Track Of a Nudy. (farmermaslen@hotmail.com)

GEORGE BUSH: Gore's Evil Opponent Reelected Global Emperor By Using Scary Hogwash (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

HUGH GRANT: His Undesirable Girl Habit Generated Really Awkward News Topics (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

W. (Just plain) WHY? (maxcel200@aol.com)

BARRY BONDS: Baseball Action Requires Reaching Your Best Or Naively Doing Steroids (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

ELVIS: Endlessly Lives Velvety In Scenes (maxcel200@aol.com)

JAY LENO: Jovial, And Yet Leno Entertains No One (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

FABIO: Fabulous Abs But Idiotic Otherwise (maxcel200@aol.com)

ALBERT EINSTEIN; Always Labourous Brain Edged Relentlessly Towards Equations In Nuclear Science That Earned Illustrious Nobel (moxham4@hotmail.com)

PARIS HILTON: Picture A Really Insipid Skinny Heiress Inheriting Little Talent Or Noteworthiness (kempter815@cs.com)

Our runners-up...who, even due to "extra word placement" for a couple, win origamis... and some Rat's Asses:

MARTIN SCORSESE: Moviemaker And Raconteur, Telling Inane, Numbing Stories, Choosing Overrated Repertoire Simpleton Employees, Serving-up Ennui (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

RON HOWARD: Richie? Opie? Now He Only Will Answer to "Ron the Director". (shep@peoplepc.com)

CHER: Chick Had EVERYTHING Replaced (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Our co-winners...who win lots of Rat's Asses and admiration of people who can spell...oh...and will have to duke it out over that Stealth preview video as we only have one...

TORI SPELLING: Thespian Of Remarkable Ineptitude, She Proves Employing Lackluster Leads Involves Nepotism - Guaranteed. (kempter815@cs.com)

PAT ROBERTSON: Publicly Asinine Televangelist Rattling Off Brainless Editorials Regarding Toppling Sovereigns Of Nations (murdoctor@aol.com)





Well, in keeping with the Tweak contest this time around...I searched around for something uh - inexplicable and scary...and I think I did good. It's some stupid plastic piggy bank...in the form of a, what else, a pig. It has a slot in the top for coins...but none in the bottom to take them out...altho it has a pre-made plug hole manufactured in it. I guess actually cutting out said plug hole and plugging it with one of those rubber stoppers but them WAY over budget on manufacturing these "beauties". On the whole...I'd say its eBay value would be about 12 cents...shipping not included...unless you WIN this right here at TOTW this time around. (Photo to follow shortly...and this time we mean it.)


UnXplained Phenomena

Even scarier monsters? Stranger phenomenon to investigate? The things The X-Files and cryptozoologists could only dream about...IF they had continued to this day...okay, so I'm watching The X-Files...I have to milk it for all it's worth...therefore I came up with this contest. Sure, we all know about Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and ghosts...but with a little "tweaking"...I bet we could come up with some pretty strange takes on them. What we want you to do is take an unexplained phenomenon (I'm sure you can Google a whole site about them)...and then combine it with something more mundane...then tell us just what this new creature/mystery/inexplicable thing is now capable of doing...or at least what the fuss is all about. Again, as usual, the more witty, funny, off the wall...you make it...the better...c'mon make Chris Carter extremely happy he didn't hire us to write for him. I came up with a couple examples below...please, tell us the original monster/phenomenon as well...don't make us "investigate".

Chupacabra - Chewbaccabra: Attacks and drinks the blood of people who stand in line for hours to catch all those Star Wars films. Frequently heard at conventions in Central and South America...only no one can understand what he's saying.

Loch Ness Monster - Elliot Ness Lake Monster: Prohibits anyone from going anywhere near the "water" to get a shot...of him - no wonder no one has ever gotten their hands on this animal...he's virtually unseen, unheard and so far has been totally Untouchable.