Tweak Of The Week LI: Mixed Marriages
(updated 19 Jan 03)

Last week we had asked you to combine celebrities together in the bonds of matrimony, however brief, and come up with interesting, funny, witty names. As a side note, I had to check all the "iffy" sounding names...these below do indeed exist, no matter how mundane their fame...also, I had to respell countless names, so if I forgot to change one, just let me know and I will change it when I can.

If Salt -N-Pepa had married Tupac Shakur..they would have been "Salt-N-Pepa Shakur" (snoopyzshadow@aol.com)

If Sarah Jessica Parker married Dr. Joyce Brothers, they would be Parker-Brothers (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

If Tyne Daly married Jim Burden, they would be called Daly Burden (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

If Bea Arthur married Sting..divorced and married William Hurt..divorced and married Trent Lott..her name would be Bea Sting Hurt Lott (internutt9@aol.com)

If Kenny G married hockey player Bobby Orr it would be the Orr-G wedding (flynnkj19@aol.com)

If Tippi Hedren married James Caan, Tom Ewell, John Lund, Bonnie Tyler, and Desmond Tutu in that order..she would be Tippi Caan Ewell Lund Tyler Tutu (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

If Treat Williams married Snoop Dogg he'd be Dogg Treat (hunterj@iwon.com)

If Shelley Fabres married Bill Gaither..divorced and married Mohammed Atta..divorced and married Geraldo Rivera..she would be Shelley Gaither Atta Rivera (Honz5@aol.com)

If Carrie Fisher married Vincent Price it would be the Fisher Price wedding (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)

If Winslow Homer married O.J. Simpson, they'd be Homer Simpson (D'Oh!) (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Pat Gibbs and Anthony Stewart Head...Gibbs Head (Stan790@aol.com)

If Bettina Holte married Chris Rock..divorced Him for Mark Hanna (Deceased Politician)..then hooked up with Oliver Hardy..finally ending up with Mary Kay Place..she'd be..Bettina Rock Hanna Hardy Place (Elmerfuddge2@aol.com)

If Telly Savalas had married Don Ho..he would have been..Telly Ho (Elmerfuddge2@aol.com)

If John Amos married Andy Williams...they would be Amos and Andy (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

If Ivana Trump married Mr. Big, and later Johnny Cash...she would be known as Ivana Big Cash (lacee7700@aol.com)

If Madonna married Julia Child They would be Madonna and Child (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

If golfer Se (pronounced "SAY") Ri Pak married James Watt, her name would be Se Watt (SMiller234@earthlink.net)

If Ida Lupino had married Don Ho..she would have been Ida Ho (snoopyzshadow@aol.com)

If Hugh Heffner were to marry Jurgen Jass, they would be known as Hugh Jass (rocesblader02@hotmail.com)

If J-Lo where to marry 50's actor Buck Class divorce him and marry stunt man Buddy Jo Hooker; her name would be J-Lo Class Hooker (fparsons@yahoo.com)

If Uma Thurman would marry Ralph Nader..she'd be a "Thurman Nader" (snoopyzshadow@aol.com)

Ivana Trump marries Dustin Diamond, then divorces him and marries Thomas Ian Nicholas, then divorces him and marries John Deere...Ivana Diamond Nicholas Deere (Stan790@aol.com)

If Monica Lewinski married Ted Kaczynski..."Monica Lewinski-Kaczynski" which is a mouth full but she is use to that (Mistahtom@aol.com)

If Shania Twain married Bob Goen..divorced and married Desmond Tutu..she would be Shania Twain Goen Tutu (kishababy27@aol.com)

If Jennifer Love-Hewitt married Shaquille O'Neal you would have a Love Shaq (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com)

If Christina Aguilera married Randy Moss, Anthony Michael Hall, Jason Lee then Morris Day she could be called Chris Moss Hall Lee Day (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

I am rather undecided on these two, one took a lot of thought, one just makes me laugh every time I read it, so I am going to select two winners...they can fight over the Furby prize (I am sure I can dig around the house for an extra, don't worry)...

If Jane Fonda married Ted Danson..divorced and married Pierre Trudeau..divorced and married Bobby Knight..her name would be Jane Fonda Danson Troudeau Knight (internutt9@aol.com)

If creator of the Chipmunks, David Seville, married Barbara Walters..her name would be Barbara Seville (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)


The prize this week is a nifty sewing kit/mirror combo...all disguised in a white round, compact-type case...with a swell Japanese sand garden wave effect at the bottom...to bring out the "Zen" in you. As you can possibly see...when you open it up, inside is one of those needle-threader helper things, a safety pin, two buttons, and a wide array...well, if you think six is a wide array...of different coloured thread. Ooooh wait, there's more....upon closer examination, I determined there is indeed one needle partially hidden beneath the threads...wow, these guys thought of EVERYTHING! Okay, so much for embellishing the non-spectacular. The other side features a mirror...why, I haven't a clue...I guess to make it look twice as special. On the outside it sports the ARM (Advanced Research Management) logo...I am guessing, and a couple other particulars about them. I don't have a clue who they are and I am sure they haven't a clue who I am either, so that makes it even. We picked this up at a computer show a couple years back, but it has never been used, and as such, presented itself as a perfect Tweak prize...which can be yours if you win this week's contest.


Celebrity Cinema

Well it's been a little while since we've done this type of contest, so I think its time is due...plus I really like my one example I came up with below (I won't divulge which one), and since I can't submit it...the most I can do is force you guys to read it. What we've done before is to take an actual movie, past or present...just as long as it does exist (the IMDb is THE place to go for movie info, if you've never visited, you are definitely missing out) and change the title a little, then come up with a whole new movie plot. Now, I think previously we actually took ANY old title change...this time we would like to see celebrity titles or plots worked in. Again, celebrities can be alive or dead...actors, singers, novelists, politicians, 15-minutes of famers...and are quasi-remembered, we don't care...just as long as they once breathed on Earth...in other words, no one fictitious. If you can combine the original film plot in with the newly created one, more imaginary points will be given. Just to clear it up a little more...you must alter the movie title slightly...and the celebrity's name does not have to appear IN the title (unless you want to)...otherwise, just in the plot. Well, I think that kinda sums it up...if you need some help, I did a couple examples below...and remember, if you want to ask a question about this contest, you can always do so via the Tweak link below.

The Osbourne Identity: He washes up on shore...in true Ozzy form, he has no memory...can he figure out who he is before someone just gives in and tells him?

The Michael Caine Mutiny: Michael, tired of all those bit parts in the last few movies he made, decides to fire his agent and get Leonardo DiCaprio's...two major movies in one year for a guy with half as much talent...something needs to change.

Goldmember II: The Ron Jeremy Story...enough said.