Tweak Of The Week LV: Six Feet Under...stated as They Lived
(updated 16 Feb 03)

What we asked for last time is to take a celebrity...living or dead, and come up with a fitting epitaph or obituary for them, using their celebrity in some way in the write-up. I think we should bring this one back another time and include fictional characters as well, as it seemed to be a fun contest.

John Bobbitt: Lost his head. (StanYan1@aol.com)

Dick Cheney: Buried in an undisclosed location. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Sylvester Stalone: Rocky Start, Rocky ending. (reidayork@aol.com)

Monica Lewinsky: Finally blew it. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Bob Dole: Stiff for good now. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

Gilbert Gottfried: He FINALLY shut-up! (trlymurph@aol.com)

Steve Case: Received life's ultimate disconnection. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Bill Gates: Crashed permanently. (forms@beige.f2s.com)

Vince Lombardi: He didn't lose the game, he just ran out of time. (pec@gis.net)

Richard Nixon: He is not a crook ... anymore. (RasGold@aol.com)

Martha Stewart: It's Curtains! (reidayork@aol.com)

Jerry Garcia: Greatfully Dead (RasGold@aol.com)

Dan Quayle: Ah, Yes! We all remember him well..poor fellow succumbed to a very bad spell. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

John Edward: Now I'll be talking to the dead on a direct line. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Al Gore: Finally in his lockbox. (kaylor@mail.com)

Monica Lewinsky: She's gone down... six feet down. (TwoNaughtyKitties@attbi.com)

Steve, the Dell Guy: Ding Bong, the Dude is dead, Toked from us too soon. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Martha Stewart: DYING (RasGold@aol.com)

Albert Einstein: A relatively powerful man who's made his last Quantum leap. You do the math. (TwoNaughtyKitties@attbi.com)

Dan Quayle: He's beryd...he's bureyd...he's bareed... Oh, hell. He's under here. (SMiller234@earthlink.net)

Kato Kaelin: Kato died at home last Wednesday...maybe not HIS home, but at home nonetheless. (gonnabmeeee@aol.com)

The winner of the contest...and more importantly, that ruler...

Here is the future resting place of Andy Griffith ... We Mayberry him here ... we may not. (RasGold@aol.com)


The prize this week is probably better than the last few we've had...so don't get used to it...we have lots of stuff in boxes to still go thru. One day soon we just may be offering up our "great" collection of phones we used to use...one at a time, of course. Plus, we have quite a few computer books as well, as you shall soon see. But, for now, let's get back to the prize this week...it is a Fila cap with the words "Fila USA" on it...and yes, one size does fit all. It has never been worn and is new, altho it has been up in the closet for who knows how long. It looks pretty much in pristine condition except for one tiny spot on top and some cat hairs on it. I am sure they can all be removed. As you can see, hopefully, from the photo...it is white...with red and blue embroidered accents...and as such, has a patriotic touch to it. You can be sporting this fabulous fashion statement IF you win this week's Tweak!


Slappy Come-backs

Well, I saw this concept in a joke email I got the other day and figured it would be fun to try our collective hand at it. What the contest is about is to come up with a question which someone in love (or at least deep fondness/attraction) would ask their girl/boyfriend, spouse, significant other, whatever term you'd like to choose...and their not so loving response back to it...which just might get them slapped. This can range from a first meeting, such as a bar pick-up line, to a comeback for a couple who has been married 50+ years. And yes, the wittier, funnier, crueler, more sarcastic you can get, the better...just don't use any of the ones on that email...as we still have the copy. You can do a multi-part question/response...or just a basic question/answer routine. Here are a couple I came up with below to get you started:

Husband: Would you marry again if I died?
Wife: I'd marry again even if you didn't!

Girl: Do you really think I look better without makeup?
Guy: Better than what??

Girlfriend: When we get married, would you ever forget our anniversary?
Boyfriend: Well, I'd sure be willing to try!