Tweak Of The Week LVI: Slappy Come-backs
(updated 23 Feb 03)

Last week we asked you to ask a question to your girl/boyfriend, spouse, significant other...and then have their not-so-loving response back to it.

The first few are not really questions, but we'll let them slide.

Wife: Come on, let's have sex!
Husband: Sure, but I see no reason to get you involved. (

Older man to his young girlfriend: Everyone thinks your my trophy wife.
Girl: I'm not your wife.
Guy: You're not much of a trophy, either. (

Wife: Before we were married, you used to say I gave you goosebumps.
Husband: Well...hives are similar. (

Husband: Sweetie, do you think I've still got "the juice" after all these years?
Wife: Yeah of course you got "the juice"....the prune juice. (

Guy: Was it good for you too?
Girl: It was good? (

She: What would it take to get you to hold me like you used to?
He: A forklift! (

Wife to husband: Do you think we'll still be "amorous" when we go grow old?
Husband to wife: Honey, as long as they still make paper bags and Viagara I'll give it my best shot. (

Girlfriend: Would you go to the ends of the earth for me?
Boyfriend: I don't think that would be nearly far enough. (

Guy: Has anyone ever told you that you are a beautiful woman?"
Gal: "No"
Guy: "They won't" (

The winner of that Fila USA cap...and a week on the sofa...

Wife: Honey, would you like to renew our wedding vows?
Husband: You mean they expired and you didn't tell me? (

The prize this time around is pretty nice and originally retailed for $14.95, so it's not exactly as tacky and cheap a prize as we usually dole out (and would have wanted it to be). It's basically in brand new condition and doesn't even look like anyone ever opened it...but SOMEONE in the house apparently HAD to have it. Well, enough of picking on the people in my house publicly...and back to the prize this week. It is a softcover book entitled "Technology 2001...The Future of Computing and Communications" edited by Derek Leebaert...with a foreword by Arthur C. Clark. I might be wrong, but I'd venture to say it is probably about the future of computing and communications. It is 392 pages, including the index...hey, they numbered it, so it counts. All in all, it seems like it might be interesting to browse thru...or at the very least it could possibly be used as a gift you could give someone who likes computers and technology. This book can be yours if you win the Tweak this week.

A Dose of Reality...Shows

As everyone is aware, the airwaves are awash with so-called "reality" shows...about as real as hair at a country music awards show. Anyway, it seems the American public is fascinated with watching these - either that or the programming geniuses have run out of actual shows to air...I'd kinda like to believe it was the latter. They are going from bad to worse...and from worse who knows just where they will end up...and that is where you come in. We want to see your worst...your funniest, your most bizarre...your frighteningly "just might actually get aired one day by FOX" ideas for some reality shows. What we want you to do is be a pitchman for a reality show to a network...or be a TV Guide blurb explaining what your show is about, either way, we'd like your show's title and a brief synopsis of what it's about, in as catchy a way as you can deliver it. Here are a few I came up with...remember guys, you are my witnesses, you saw them here first, just in case I have to file a lawsuit later...

Baby Switch: We tell people that their baby was switched at birth...only we let them know this 5+ years AFTER this "event" supposedly took place. Then to top it all off, we tell them their biological child had died...and the real parents want theirs back! Watch what we catch on our hidden cameras when our "lawyers" tell the parents the "news".

Vasectomy/Appendectomy...Same Thing: Watch as we bring in hidden cameras and our very own "Dr. Bob" to tell patients straight from the operating room the "switched-up operation" news!

True Confessions: We placed a hidden camera inside this actual confessional in this church. Watch this week as people from a small Iowa town tell us their most intimate secrets...and watch as we tune in again next week AFTER they've seen the show!