Tweak Of The Week LXI: The Song Remains The Same...or Not
(Updated 7 Apr 03)

Last time around we asked you to pick a celebrity - then choose a song title which could be their "song"...altering it slightly earned more brownie points. The amount of entries was staggering...which means we will probably bring this one back in some form in the future.

Mariah Carey: Crazy (Crazy) (

Sen. Ted Kennedy: Bridge Over Troubled Waters (Bridge Over Troubled Water) (

Winona Ryder: Behind Clothes Drawers (Behind Closed Doors) (

Dubbya and Saddam: The Barmy Song (The Barney Song) "I hate you. You hate me. Why don't we start World War III." (

Michael Jackson: Man, I Look Like a Woman (Man I Feel Like a Woman) (

George Bush: I Want Iraq (I Want to Rock) (

Richard Simmons: Yes, You're Gay (Yesterday) (

Tiger Woods: Slice Slice, Baby (Ice Ice Baby) (

Ike Turner: Smack the Wife (Mack the Knife) (

Jack Nicholson: I Love Shaq (And the Rest of the Lakers) - (Love Shack) (

Both George Bushes: Troops, I Did It Again (Oops, I Did It Again) (

Stephen (the Dell guy): Because I got High (Because I Got High) (

Bo Derrick: The Thong Remains the Same (Tho her body is all old and flabby) - The Song Remains the Same (

Monica Lewinsky: Blew By You (Blue Bayou) (

Anna Nicole Smith: I'm Holding Out For a Hero...sandwich that is (Holding Out For a Hero) (

Robert Blake: I Shot her Sheriff (I Shot the Sheriff) (

Jennifer Lopez and/or Lisa Marie Presley and/or Julia Roberts: Fifty Days to Leave Your Lover (Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover) (

Mike Tyson: Yes I Really Want to Hurt You (Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? by Culture Club) (

Jennifer Lopez: The Object of My Afflecktions (The Object Of My Affection) (

Hilary Rodham Clinton: Reason? She's a Bitch (Season of the Witch) (

The winner of that kitschy mini-dinnerware set:

Pete Townsend: Poor Poor Pedophile Me (Poor Poor Pitiful Me) (

The prize this week is pretty darned cute if I say so myself...and I do. It is a little plastic wall clock, and yes, it does indeed work when you put a battery in it (no it's not included). It is seven inches across and is from the Children's Book-of-the-Month Club...and up on top it states "It's time to read!"...I would take a sharpie marker and change "read" to "enter at HMO"...but my printing isn't that great, so I'll leave it as it is. This would be perfect for a child...or to hang over the computer it doesn't scream "silly child's clock"...and is rather fashionable, as far as plastic clocks go. Anyway, this prize can be yours if you win the Tweak this time.

Signing Off

Well, we've been seeing this biohazard sign parody making its rounds - and to me, the person who came up with some of these captions is in particular makes me laugh each time...but then again, I watch the weather channel a lot, too. But besides that fact, these are actual signs the government "invented" to help in case of some type of catastrophe...but they are reading like the ones on a German other words, they can be ANYTHING. Therein lies the fun...I know you guys can come up with some funny, witty, off-the-wall interpretations/captions of these signs, and that's what we are looking to see...the wackier the better. Keep in mind, they don't have to be "hazardous-based" - they are what you make them. Now we know the internet highway travels fast, so please don't use any of the ones from the "altered" version circulating around, in fact, if you haven't seen it - send your entries in FIRST...then check it out - and if you can't find it - email me, and I'll send you a copy AFTER this contests ends...or better yet, I'll post it in a link for all to see. It really is hilarious and worth the read. Anyway...send as many as you would like, multiples here at HMO are not only welcomed, they are encouraged. What we do ask is that you put the number of the sign you are doing before each entry. Other than that it's pretty much now in your hands. By the way, because they sent it to me first...even tho they didn't send it in as a Tweak idea, still gets a lovely origami creation because I ended up using it as a contest. I came up with one example I'm sure this is pretty much self-explanatory.

For those of you who requested the "condensed" rules, here they are: 1) Look at sign 2) Make up funny meaning for sign 3) Send entry.


Example: 19. Men's bathroom sign in "Taco Bell".