Tweak Of The Week LXVII: Hollywouldn't
(Updated 8 Jun 03)

Last week we had asked you to take an actual movie...then alter the title some by combining it with another film, celebrity, etc., and give a new plot for the film.

Pinocchio discovers the tragic truth about his mother in: "The Termite Ate Her" (

Movie about a crusading midget, who reclaims a town by shin clubbing mobsters : "Walking Small" (

Same idea as "The Matrix," but with a hotter babe, a guy who can actually act, and simple, happy ending: "The Maid Trixie in Manhattan" (

A certain Nickelodeon character has happy feet -- "Spongebob Squaredance" (

"Saving Private Parts": Tom Hanks goes on a mission to rescue Howard Stern's know. (

Sylvester Stallone and estranged wife, Brigitte Nielsen, portray themselves in a movie about their romance..."Rocky's Whore Picture Show" (

An 80 year old Billy Crystal treats Robert DeNiro on his death bed in: "Analyze What?!?" (

Sandra Bullock in a tell-all movie about an undercover FBI agent: "Miss ComeCleaniality" (

This is a new movie for Anna Nicole Smith, after the death of her wealthy husband. It's called "Leave It To My Beaver" (

Bronx High School of Science sends its first squad to national cheerleading championships: "Eight Leggy Geeks" (

Keanu's new movie without special effects -- "The Matrix Unplugged" (

The Earth is attacked by rancid alien luncheon meat: "Spam Slime from Outer Space" (

Indiana Jones finds a map leading him to the body of a man without clothes who went missing while in protective custody -- "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Nark" (

Shari Lewis uses puppetry and mind games to guide an FBI agent to hunt down a serial killer: "Silence of the Lambchop" (

"PoultryGuest" - A psychic Chicken arrives to investigate a house that is believed to be haunted by Colonel Sanders. (

Three brothers are in a mall, when they meet a woman that would change their lives forever... The youngest automatically asks her to marry him, she accepts, but after meeting the wild middle brother, she begins to fall for him. All the while, the older brother loves her as well. The youngest dies a noble death, eating the food court's tacos. She falls for the middle brother, but he goes mad, thinking he was the reason for the youngest's death, so leaves to brave the department stores alone. She marries the older brother in a modeling ceremony: "Legends of the Mall" (

A bunch of grubby, hungry teenagers sitting in an underground detention facility fight for that one single jelly doughnut ..."The Breakfast Fight Club" (

The ultimate dilemma between Christian and Jew..."The Ham that Rocks the Bagel" (

A horror movie about mysterious hair gel that causes severe personality changes...from the point of view of the housekeeper...Something About Mary Reilly (

The runner-up, who gets an origami creation...

"Night of the Living, Dude!": Brain damaged Dell PC representative staggers from door to door intent on delivering an unwanted computer to the unsuspecting. Can only be destroyed by a combination of head and monitor shots. (

The winner of that little "Don't Bug Me" sign...

"Hush Hour" ... Edge-of-your-seat excitement as librarians try to track down noise violators. (Also a contender for a slot among next season's reality shows.) (

This week's prizes come courtesy of again. They are 2 CD samplers of the bands "Pacifier" and "Fingertight"....and in my opinion, they rock. We will also throw in a few band stickers as well. All this can be yours if you win this week's Tweak.

Other Father's Day Cards

We all know that Father's Day is just around the corner, and we've all been forced to buy those sappy cards that go on and on about how you have the world's best father - that no others could ever come close to how perfect he was. Well, we would like to see the lower side of life...yes, this is all in jest, we are not insinuating all fathers are terrible...but in this case, the worse, the better. I've compiled a little list of some types of Father's Day cards we would like to see...don't feel like you have to adhere to the's just there for a guideline...feel free to send in your own "bad dad" idea...and sentiment of course. There is also an example of a sentiment after the list to get you started.

Deadbeat Dad
Paternity Father
The Father Who Ran Out Years Ago and Only Came Back Because You Won the Lotto
Drunken and/or Drugged Out Dad
Dad Who Hit On All Your Dates When You Brought Them Home
Dad Who Always Kicked the Dog
Dad Who Was Always Getting Fired
Dad Who Always Brought Home a New "Mom" Every Other Week
Dad Who Always Sat On The Sofa In His Underwear Asking You To "Pull His Finger"
Dad Who Tried to Get Unemployment Insurance Because He Was Probed By An Alien and "Can't" Work Anymore


To My Dad, I Love So Dear...
Thank You For The Case Of Beer
Love, Tommy (6) (Thanks to