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Tweak Of The Week LXIX: I Don't Like Spam!
(Updated 22 Jun 03)

Due to a rather hectic weekend here, TOTW will not be updated until late Tuesday/early Wednesday this time around.

Last week we asked you to come up with a silly, funny, or far-fetched spam email "subject line" like when they ran out of the regular ones...getting you to purchase something that no one in their right mind would ever buy...and to word it as catchy as you could.

8-Track Cassette Tapes - Save up to 70% - Free Shipping Offer! (MedCheryl@aol.com)

Affordable health insurance for those side effects you got from the penis growth pills we sold you last week. (mr_didgers@hotmail.com)

Want to look younger? Drink new Botox-ade! (Shanman452@aol.com)

Get rid of those snotty kids... send them to Discount MILITARY ACADEMY! (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Give us your Credit Card number, we will check to see if you have won the lottery. (JayHawkWDS@aol.com)

MAKE MONEY AT HOME! Let us show you the easy way to counterfeit US currency! (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)

Someone special has sent you an InstaKiss.....myass (mistahtom@aol.com)

Own your world tomorrow! Buy a planet! (straightarrow15@hotmail.com)

Stop Spam now!! Forward this to 10 million people!! (spjk2k@aol.com)

You know what they say about men with big feet? Well, you may not be able to enhance other parts, but you can fool the ladies with "Footagra," the amazing feet enhancer! (differentdrum456@aol.com)

Earn Millions, sitting on your butt at your computer! (sugarbaybee69@aol.com)

Never pay taxes again-start your own religion! (MrglsJon@aol.com)

Refinance your way into debt! (kaylor@mail.com)

Liven up those poker games - or long night's of solitaire - with THE HILLARY DECK! 52 provocative poses, only $9.99. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Find local, totally single hotties at Inmate.com! (silver_stars42@yahoo.com)

Urine Luck! We can help you beat that drug test! (FreeLooseDirt@sbcglobal.net)

ALL EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO BERMUDA... Triangle. Enjoy our Floating Casino. Take a chance!! Win big! You just might go home..... err that is, you just might go home a winner! (dimac0505@aol.com)

The winner of that freezable drink huggy:

Do you like Comic books? Action figures? Star Wars Trivia? Real Women want to meet you! (JayHawkWDS@aol.com)

The prize this time around is a pocket-sized Town & Country Travel Guide. It's like a calculator which is supposed to help you plan your trips...I think this is pre-MapQuest era. We used to have the instructions...but we haven't a clue where they are now...but it's free, and that's the main thing. It does work, but we haven't a clue how to get it to work RIGHT. It comes with a nice black pleatherette carrying case with a plastic side slot pocket kinda thing and a pen carrying loop in the middle (pen not included as we are cheap). The travel guide itself stays firmly attached inside the case by strips of velcro...could this possibly get any better? Uhh.... Good luck if you win this, and if we ever find the instructions, you are welcome to them. This prize can be yours if you win the Tweak this week.

For Heloise

This contest idea was sent in by GuitarTexn@aol.com, and for doing so, they will receive an origami creation. This was sent around via an email and I've seen other like it years before...but apparently it is making its rounds again in a reincarnated version. Basically the idea is to come up with "not so" helpful hints to use in and around the home, in say, an anti-Heloise version. We've all read those ones like "You over-salted your soup...don't worry, put a piece of raw potato in the water and it will soak it up", "Use club soda to get out stains before they set", etc. Well, we want you to come up with some that are on the sarcastic, funny, and just plain silly side. Here are some examples that were sent in the email, so I don't know who to credit...yes, I am too tired to think of anything myself today, apparently.

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage is almost instantly removed.

Don't buy expensive ribbed condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!