Tweak Of The Week LXXXII: Drug Score Jingle
(Updated 10 Nov 03)

Last time around we asked you to take an actual medication, over-the-counter or prescription, and come up with a commercial-type jingle for it. A couple were quite crude (but I liked them)...so don't say I didn't warn you.

Oxycodone: Don't be embarrassed, faint or flush It's OK 'cause it's used by Rush! (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Viagra: Take Viagra an hour after supper...just like Bounty, it's a quicker picker upper. (polaris75@aol.com)

Botox: When age and sunshine make you crinkle..Botox smoothes out every wrinkle! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

RID Lice Shampoo: They lay eggs on your head, that look like rice. They chew on your scalp and THAT'S NOT NICE ... if you want them gone, only one will suffice, RID is the brand that gets RID of lice! (colie7922)

Bufferin: That headache making your temper thin? Try a buffered Aspirin! (RasGold@aol.com)

Geritol: My back is sore, my joints they ache, my penis is a short limp snake. My ass grew big and my eyes grew small... Where the hell's my Geritol? (lovepeaceguy68@aol.com)

Ambien: Stop countin' lambie kin..Start takin' Ambien! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Viagra: Don't sublimate by buying a 'Beemer... Let Viagra put life back in your weiner! (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

Zyrtec: Every little breeze seems to trigger a sneeze... (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Lomotil: Our pills with easy-swallow coating... will stop your sphincter from exploding. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Viagra: Want your sex life really humming? Viagra for the Up and Coming. (skibip@aol.com)

Valium: When your day has gone to $#it...take five of these and sleep through it. (lacee7700@aol.com)

Diflucan: This is for you, Mrs. Rottencrotch Jesus, I can smell you miles away hey hey hey This stuff you use, Mrs. Rottencrotch kills the yeast infection in a day hey hey hey (casstigator@yahoo.com)

Ritalin: Overused on our ADD creatures? Not according to their teachers! (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

Our winner of 25 RA...but more importantly, that cheap plastic snake...

Paxil: When you're down and feeling crappy, pop a Paxil and fake your happy! (randy.renner@juno.com)



I know what you were all thinking..."geez, that plastic snake was a pretty lame, pathetic prize...can they possibly get worse?" Well, yes, as a matter of fact, we can. We had offered this prize up before...and I'm not sure if someone actually wanted it - BUT...we were in the store today, and to paraphrase a movie quote... "They're back". Yes, it's the lovely pear ripening bag...with step-by-step instructions on how to place a pear in it, let it sit and ripen, and how to tell when it is done. Now, if by chance we pick co-winners next time...don't fear...we have two! But, you must win this week's Tweak to get one.


Moving Movies

We had seen this idea in the Washington Post and liked it so much that we decided to do our own version of it. What we want you to do is to take a movie title (no tv ones this time so we can use that as a future contest) and transpose the words in the title around to come up with a whole new movie title...then, of course, come up with a whole new plot based on it. Keep in mind that you cannot add, remove, or change any of the words in the title...only change their order around. You can, however, add punctuation. Please also include the original movie title with the changed up one. If you need some more guidance, you can check the examples I came up with below.

G.I. Jane -- Jane G.I.: The touching story of a female gastroenterologist and finding love between colonoscopies.

Raiders of the Lost Ark -- Lost Ark of the Raiders: The hilarious antics revolving around a California football team that gets tasked to build a big boat...then end up misplacing it.

It's a Wonderful Life -- Life, It's a Wonderful: A docu-drama showcasing the life accomplishments of the quite energetic Academy Award winning Italian actor/writer/producer/director, Roberto Benigni.