We will get around to updating this one day this week...sorry for the delay, lots of things going on here at home.

Tweak Of The Week LXXXVII: Better Late...and Clever
(Updated 25 Jan 04)

Last time around...yes a month ago... (I was sick and didn't have enough energy to update) we asked you to take any previous Tweak contest and send in an entry for it. We had also asked you to put not only the Tweak number but also the name of the contest...apparently most of you glanced right over that little tidbit. Consequently, I had to look up the majority of these and add the stuff...sheesh...you guys should be giving ME a prize this time around! Anyway, I put them in numerical order (hopefully) so you could more easily cross-reference them if you wished.

L: $25,000 Pyramid Scheme -- Things You Should Not Use As Toilet Paper -- Money. Silk stockings. The origami prizes won on HMO. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

LI: Mixed Marriages -- If Beyonce' had married Jack Lord, then Clive Owen, then Tommy Lee, and reclaimed her maiden names..she would be "Lord Owen Lee Knowles." (airfarcewon@aol.com)

LI: Mixed Marriages -- If fashion designer, Jennie Hoo married rock composer, Terry Riley, then reality Game actor, Timothy Gibbs, and ended up with actress, Noelle Adam..she would be, "Hoo Riley Gibbs Adam?" (airfarcewon@aol.com)

LI: Mixed Marriages -- If Bridget Fonda married, in succession; Ken Ober, Mr.T, Barney Rubble, and Roger Waters, She'd be Bridget Ober T Rubble Waters (MrglsJon@aol.com)

LII: Celebrity Cinema -- Moan A Liza Smile: Liza Minelli plays herself in heartbreaking true drama based on her battlesome mar-rage to David Gest. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

LII: Celebrity Cinema -- Matt Damon doesn't know who he is, and he isn't interested in finding out in "The Bored Identity" (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

LXI: The Song Remains The Same...Or Not -- Glen Campbell: "Do The Time I Get In Phoenix" (By The Time I Get to Phoenix.) (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

LXIV: Spiders and Snakes -- Okay, this is a true story. The government has been tracking our every move since the days of President Kennedy. They watch us on camera at the grocery stores, banks, gas stations, port-a-potties, and even in our own cars. They use the video's and sound recordings to alter them in any way possible to use against us. If we help them out, whether we know it or not, they let us go free. We need to stop this surveillance immediately. I personally write down everything I ever tell anybody, ever. I write down, where I was, who I saw and who I talked to, and what was said of course. That way, if they ever try to get me for ANYTHING I have my own evidence. I mean there are tons of tiny cameras inside our computers, the chrome on the toilet flusher, the rearview mirrors of our cars, a majority of other material possessions that we all own. I mean, why is it that computers, printers and TV's die once every 2-3 years? So they can reprogram the cameras or the batteries die in the cameras themselves. We are literally being watched everywhere we go. Why don't they come out with evidence against Saddam Hussein or Bin Laden? With the angle and views on their tiny cameras, we would know for sure they are watching us!! Just think about it! (pizzafreak48076@aol.com)

LXV: The Name Game -- A pencil that doubles as a cell phone. Hence the Pencell! (iPhartonU@hotmail.com)

LXX: For Heloise -- Tired of getting electrocuted trying to remove burnt toast from the toaster with a knife? Try this tip: Just invert the toaster and screw it to the underside of your cabinet. Nothing will get stuck in there ever again. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

LXXV: Oxymoronic products -- A three-piece twinset. (not2greedy69@aol.com)

LXXIX - Play...boy What Were We Thinking??? -- Women of Parkay Margarine: Bet you can't tell them from the high priced spread. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

LXXXI: Scary Movie With A Twist -- The Fisher King Kong vs. Godzilla: All you need to know about this one is that during the climactic battle, Robin Williams gets stepped on. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

LXXXII: Drug Score Jingle -- Lovastatin: Because you're such a butterball, Lovastatin roasts your cholesterol. (chharget@aol.com)

Because I really liked both of these...and also because I am sure I can dig up another Christmas flag...altho it might be a different version than was shown last Tweak...I present the dual winners:

XLIX: Roasted-Toasts -- From the Leader of the Council of Evangelical German Lutherans to his flock: Prosit-lytize! (HerzogVon@aol.com)

LXXXI: Scary Movie With A Twist -- "I know What You Did Last Samurai"...In this latest film, Tom, in a moment of anger, shishkabobs his Samurai sparring partner...No-one seems to be around, so he hides the body...then later..get's stuck with a blackmailer. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Our prize this time around is yet another calendar...don't fret, we have quite a few others lying around here to pawn off until at least May. Whether we do or not, depends on what other cra...uh...stuff I can find around the house to give away. Anyway, it's a 2004 Korean wall calendar about 13"x10" (I didn't measure it, but it was larger than a sheet of paper)...that was given to me by the local Korean store here as I love Korean food. For whatever reason, it is titled "Troublemakers"...probably because it shows kids getting into all kinds of mischief...hey, I didn't come up with the idea, so don't blame me. But it can be yours if you win this week's Tweak. (Photo to follow shortly.)

Too Much...Truth In Advertising

What we are asking you to do this time around is to take an actual product and basically come up with an all-too-true or at least an "overly exaggerated" advertising take on that product...you know, something that might have been pitched...in the trash can. For sending in this idea, william.fishburne@verizon.net will receive 10 RA points and an origami creation of their choice. A couple examples I came up with are below (with the exception as noted)...in case you needed a little help.

Evian: It's not only pretty much plain water with a high price tag...it's bottled water (that you won't drink anyway) that screams "Yeah, I'm either extremely wealthy or stupid" to other diners when you order it in place of tap water (that you won't drink anyway either) at a swanky restaurant.

We've sandwiched sugar between tasteless pieces of cardboard and coated it with another layer of sugar--Pop Tarts! A high-energy food. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Monopoly: Yes...you got it, the name says all...as it WILL monopolize all your time once you start one of these never-ending games.