Tweak Of The Week LXXXIX: Quantum Leap Year
(Updated 7 Mar 04)

To recap...last time around we asked you to play Quantum Leap and leap into someone from history's body and then alter history.

Leap into the body of Bill Gates - I'd change that damn Windows error message to read: "Congratulations, your program just performed an illegal operation! We're sending you one hundred dollars!" (

Leap into the body of Sir Isaac Newton. Minutes before the apple fell from the tree, you get up to go get a ham sandwich, fail to discover gravity, and now all of us are entertained by watching each other sail off into space. (

Leap into the body of Jimmy Hoffa...and for God's sake...tell everybody where in the Hell you are! (

Leap into the body of sing Elvis Presley the day he had his heart attack. But instead of dying he was miraculously saved. Still alive today, we'd have the original Elvis...not those gross fat guys in sparkly outfits doing crappy impersonations to old women flinging their panties on stage. It'll just be Elvis on stage singing and dodging those panties. (

Leap into Justin Timberlake. Rather than uncovering Janet's nasty body, confess the whole plan on national TV, resign from the music industry, and go away. (

Leap into the body of Monica Lewinsky (Bill Clinton did). But this time she just says no, giving the Congress hundreds of additional hours to actually accomplish something good. (

Leap back into the body of Warren Beatty, early in his career. Partly because I'm a better actor and could improve a lot of movies... mostly it's all the sex with beautiful women. The hell with history. (

Leap into the body of Dutch physicist, Christian Huygens (played a part in Quantum physics): Unable to save his own life after a boil on his butt festers and he dies of infection, Quantum Physics, as we know it today, never comes to light. Thus producing a downhill snowball effect, that, briefly, goes like this: No Quantum Physics, no Quantum Leap TV show, no TOTW contest idea. (

Leap into the body of Adrian Leaper, conductor of the Czechoslovak State Philharmonic (Kosice), and persuade him to declare a moratoriam on performances of Vivaldi's "The Seasons" as well as other overworked Baroque pieces, limiting said performances to once every four years. To be known as "Leaper's Leap Year Law", this enlightened doctrine would clear the way for more late 19th and 20th Century music, in addition to cleansing the air of the boring sounds of Corelli, Locatelli, Tartini, Sammartini and all the rest of those bozos whose names end in "i". ( Respighi, Martucci, Pizzetti and Busoni excepted. (

The winner of that glorious cummberbund...

Leap into the body of Lee Harvey Oswald on 22 November 1963. Instead of going to the 6th floor of the book depository, walk up to a policeman in Dealy Plaza at about 11:00 AM and say, "Look, my name is Lee Harvey Oswald, and when the President's motorcade comes through here, someone's gonna blow his brains out... and I just want you to remember that I was standing here next to you when it happened, because a huge attempt is gonna be made to blame me for it, and I couldn't hit Jackie Gleason with a volleyball from three feet away." As a result, the world would be spared the bullshit of the Warren Commission, Nixon would never have been President, JFK would have resigned in disgrace from the combination of public outrage over the Vietnam War and the overwhelming leaks of his extramarital dalliances, the GOP would have developed into the anti-war party, Bill Clinton would have remained just another Arkansas trailer monkey, and Hillary Rodham would have made her career as a Republican stock market manipulator. (

This week's prizes come courtesy of again. They are 2 CD samplers of the bands "Memento" and "Fingertight"....and in my opinion, they rock. We will also throw in a few band stickers as well. All this can be yours if you win this week's Tweak.

Questions...Not Answers IV

The Tweak this time is the fourth offering we've done...okay, we like it...a lot. What you are to do is to play our form of "Jeopardy!"...we supply the answers (below) come up with a witty, funny, strange, etc., question for it. Do one or do them other words, feel free to send as many as you want. Still confused...or never watched Jeopardy!...then look below the list for my two examples (after the list)...again, done to curtail the obvious responses of those. Please remember to include the "answer" with your "question".

There's always room for J Lo

Sex on Normandy Beach

The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner

Everglade Room Fresheners

A rusty spork

Because it was theirs

It's all on the up and up

Ben Her

Last man standing

Living Evita Loca

Room with a déjà vu

Chips Ahoy, me mateys

Waiter, there's a spy in my soup

Keanu and George Reeves

Lover's Leap Year

Death by chocolate

Just having a Bond moment

Pork and Beantown

Dumb Like It Hot

Anne Rice-a-Roni

Cash and Kerry

The quest for intelligent life

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

The Great Brain Robbery

Warren, Not Jimmy Buffett

Sci-Fi Foe Fum


It's all on the up and up: What was the rejected slogan for Viagra?

Last Man Standing: What was the rejected slogan for Viagra?