Tweak Of The Week XCIII: Grave Words
(Updated 24 May 04)

Last time around we gave you a made-up scenario, being that Timmy Hatch was eaten by his sister's pet boa, and you had to come up with an epitath for poor Timmy.

Here's to Timmy Hatch,
who wanted to see snakes shed their skin.
You see, he got too close,
and now sees the process from within. (

Here lies Timmy (down the) Hatch. (

Here lies the body of young Timmy Hatch
Whose twin died at birth from a mysterious rash.
It seems Timmy's sis left her snake's cage unlatched.
Sufficed to say, poor Tim met his match. (

Here's the tale of little Tim,
His sister's snake did swallow him.
But to dress up real cute
In a Halloween suit
As a rabbit was a little bit dim. (

Big sister always said to Timmy not to squeeze her pets,
But brother wouldn't listen and what Timmy wants, he gets.
One night he snuck into her room and popped the cage's latch,
But boa wasn't sleeping, now he's Timmy "Down The" Hatch! (

Here Lies Timmy, a curious lad.
He got the itch and he got it bad.
He peeked inside ol' sisters pack.
And for her snake, became a snack! (

We know about snakes, and a boy's not a saint.
The snake is still with us, but Timmy--he ain't. (

Timmy was known as the "snitch" of the 'hood,
His tattletale woes did precede him
When Timmy told mom that sis had a snake
Ol' sis just decided to feed him. (

Little Timmy teased his Sis
He pestered her and tricked her.
One day he tried to steal her lunch
And got et by her constrictor. (

Here lies the body of Timmy Hatch,
Don't laugh, one day you'll follow.
He always said his sister blows,
But forgot her pet snake swallows. (

Here lies Hatch...first name Tim
The snake was fat...and he was slim
Got swallowed up...kinda' like Jonah.
Not in a whale...but the belly of a Boa. (

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a snake a boy and you feed it for several weeks. Rest in peace, Timmy. You were a real giver! (

Our runner-up, who will receive an origami creation of their choice...

Jonah was swallowed by a whale
The Ark protected Noah.
If Timmy Hatch could have had his way
Noah would have ditched the boa. (

And our winner of that "make a canister out of a liter bottle" lid...

Here lies little Timmy;
his death is our mistake.
He'd probably still be with us,
but we forgot to feed the snake. (

The prize this time around is a PCCD Game Demo of "The Lord of the Rings - The Return of the King". Now I haven't a clue exactly what is on it - but it did come free in specially marked boxes of some type of Kellogg's cereal...and usually that screams "HMO prize". Anyway, it's brand new, sealed in it's "keep out the crumbs" plastic and still smells vaguely of something sugary-coated. This "fabulous" prize can be yours IF you win this Tweak!

Take ONE Of These...(add/subtract/or change) and Call Me In The Morning

You've all probably seen the contest where you change/add/or remove only one letter from a word and then give it a whole new definition based on the change...and you've also probably seen the one where you alter the name of a drug a little and come up with the new reason to take it. Well, I got to thinking...instead of doing one of those contests (which we've already done both here already) - why not combine the two and have a whole new contest. So, we want you to take an actual drug - only change/remove or add ONE letter of its name and come up with a new reason for prescribing/taking it. ..if you can tie in the original drug prescribing rationale with the newly made up'll get even more "brownie points". Please remember to include the actual name with the altered one so I won't have to guess which one you meant. I came up with a couple below to serve as examples.


aspirin -- asspirin: You take two of these when the stresses of the day have caused you to get one of those "pain in the butt" headaches that just don't go away.

Levitra -- Levitry: Sure, you're 93 and you have that 25 year old wife...good luck "try"ing to get an erection and while you're at it "try" to convince yourself she married you for something other than your money.