Tweak Of The Week XCV: Sex Change Movies (Part 1)
(Updated 5 Jul 04)
Last time around we asked you to take a Chick Flick, alter the title a tad and turn it into a Guy Film (getting bonus points for keeping the original premise somewhat). We have quite a few that made the cut, and judging was difficult, as you can probably deduce by reading. A couple of you decided to go one step further and combine Chick Flick and Guy Film Titles (and plots) - merging them into a whole other title (and plot) ...rather ingenious, if I might say so.
The Other Sister - The Other Mister: Same premise, but with Jerry Lewis instead of Juliette Lewis. Wackier wackiness ensues. (email@example.com)
When Harry Met Sally - When Hairy Pets Rally: A beastiality film about animals turning the tables and having their way with their owners. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Never Been Kissed - Ever Been Pissed: This is about a guy whose girl won't put out, so he dumps her for a blonde bombshell named Bambi. (email@example.com)
Terms of Endearment-Terms of JohnDeerement: Mother and daughter's vain attempts to win the romantic interest of a neighboring farmer, who seems more content to just tinker with his tractor. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
"Ever After" becomes "Whatever After": The macho prince played by Vin Diesel, decides he is going to have all the ladies in the kingdom come to his throw down party at the castle. Cinderella comes, like Carmen Electra a la Pussy Cat Dolls. The three ugly step sisters aren't quite that ugly, and they do a real number in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, Vinny saves Carmen from her really mean stepmother with many car chases, helicopter chases and airplane chases. Oh, and Vinny and Carmen don't get married, but they do have a whatever relationship which works for both of them. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Divine Secrets of the Ta-Ta Sisterhood: Playmate Siddalee Streetwalker, on the verge of opening a new pictorial spread, gives a magazine interview in which she discusses her unhappiness about her breast augmentation. Her plastic surgeon is furious and refuses any follow up examinations. Her surgeon's friends, who formed a secret society, the Ta-Ta Sisterhood, as children, kidnap Siddalee from her New York apartment and take her home to Louisiana, where they explain why her surgeon gave her such enormous implants with help from the secret Ta-Ta scrapbook (and copious flashing). (email@example.com)
The Horse Whisperer - The Whore's Whisperer: A documentary about the underground relationship between a prostitute and her pimp. (ALLEN018@AOL.COM)
Tea With Mussolini - A Brewski With Mussolini: Cher, Maggie Smith and Tom Arnold star in a movie where the affable side of the ephemeral dictator and nazi sympathizer is displayed as the characters get together with him to listen to World Cup Soccer on Armed Forces Radio. Alexei Sayles plays "Il Duce". (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Something About Mary - Something About Harry: What does Harry have that women can't get enough of? join the journey of 5 women trying to track down this size 13 shoed, hunk and find out: what is it about Harry? (BRE727@aol.com)
A League of Their Own - A Keg of Their Own: Three college girls hold a toga party and invite some friends. Can the girls tap the keg alone? Stars Geena Davis, Madonna, and Britney Spears. Also featuring Tom Hanks, P Diddy, and Ashton Kutcher. (email@example.com)
Thelma and Louise - Tom and Louie: They race their muscle cars to the canyon's rim then play chicken with the cops, and send them all over the edge. When they're done playing, Daisy hands them each a beer. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sleepless in Seattle - Scoreless in Seattle: A restless Marriners fan looking for tickets runs into this chick on the internet who claims she can score him a pair if he takes her out. Turns out the only tickets she has are for the Seattle Symphony, guest conducted by Sir Neville Marriner. He says fine, he'll go out as soon as this "Sir Neville" character pitches a scoreless game. She assumes he means that he expects him to conduct without a score. By the time they get this straightened out, both the baseball and summer concert seasons are over and the two still haven't met. Good thing, if you ask me! (HerzogVon@aol.com)
What Women Want - What Men Want: The 1st full length reality movie! Follow Bobby Ray through a typical day as he collects unemployment, sets up shop on the Lazy-Boy, watches ten consecutive football games, downs six packs, and avoids all contact with his three wives. Well, almost all contact. (email@example.com)
Mean Girls - Mean Girls Put Out: They're hot. They're haughty. They're naughty. A zoologist's daughter returns from the wilds of Africa to make it in an American high school. She quickly learns to do what it takes, to be the most popular girl in school. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
On Golden Pond - On Golden Bond: Yes, this is just another Bond movie, and a lousy one, but guys love it anyway. A daughter goes back to her small town to spend time with her elderly parents; she is followed by mobsters who believe she has info they want. Thank goodness James Bond shows up and saves all the good guys and has an affair with the daughter. (email@example.com)
Beaches - Bitches Two women who've been friends since childhood spend a summer at the beach. They are both bitches of course so one day they start a catfight in the waves which ends in shredded bikinis and hot steamy lesbian love. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood" becomes "Driving Secrets of Da Da's Brotherhood": Da Da, the youngest son of an affluent golf pro and a b*tch attorney, had to go through the pains of growing up in a household full of golfers. All his brothers are on the PGA tour. He is a writer in New York, and can't hit a ball anywhere. His brothers kidnap him, take him to St. Andrews in Scotland and he endures the tales of how his father's mental breakdown 40 years before made Da Da chose not to play golf. (email@example.com)
Mommy Dearest - Tommy Dearest: Legendary rock opera about a deaf, dumb and blind movie star who adopts a number of towheaded foundlings and subsequently forces them to play pinball. Notorious for the infamous "No Wire Pinballs" scene. (Mahoney_Chris@hotmail.com)
Kate and Leopold - Kate and Leopold's Excellent Adventure: An uptight career woman learns to "loosen up" when a wild, time-travelling, English dude takes her on a hilarious trip through the ages. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sleepless in Seattle - Sleepless in the Heat of Battle: A terrorist makes threats over the radio as he's chased by Bruce Willis. Climactic scene occurs when they meet face-to-face on the top of the Empire State Building at midnight. (email@example.com)
Postcards From The Edge - Postal Carriers on the Edge: Substance-addicted postal worker Suzanne Vale is on the skids. After breaking out of a detox centre her mother Doris Mann, herself a drinker, junkie and downsized postal employee, and her go on a murderous rampage. Spuring an FBI manhunt lead by Bruce Willis. With hundreds of dead bodies, one building and 2 bridges blown up, and a scene at a nude beach.. this one is not to be missed! (CoyPsyche@aol.com)
The winner, who shall receive some Rat's Asses and the movie book:
Steel Magnolias - Steel Magnums: Revolving around Roy's Army Surplus Store in a small parish in modern-day Louisiana, STEEL MAGNUMS is the story of a close-knit circle of former military personnel whose lives come together there. As the picture opens, we find Drum Eatenton shooting birds in the trees of his back yard in preparation for his daughter's wedding reception that afternoon. Shortly thereafter, Marlin and Colby depart for Roy's to get their shotguns cleaned for the wedding. Manuel Desoto (who may or may not have been dishonorably discharged from the Marines for biting off his commanding officer's ear) is introduced to Roy's customers as his new "firearm technician." While in the back-room shooting range, the sour-tempered Wheezer Boudreaux shows up and entertains the assemblage with his marksmanship by shooting holes in pictures of Simon Cowell. It seems that the only one of the group who truly understands Wheezer is Clarence, who was recently decommissioned and looking for a diversion. As he says, later in the picture, "If you can't find anything good to say about anybody, just shoot 'em." Rife with humor and bloodshed, these "Steel Magnums" make us laugh and cheer as the brutalities of their lives in tiny Chinquapin Parish unfolds. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Well, last time around we gave away something film-related (the movie trivia book) - this contest I thought we should as well. The prize this time around is a VHS tape of "Phenomenon" starring John Travolta. Now this has never been opened...in other words it is still sealed in its factory plastic. The history behind this video is we found it about four years ago outside a Movie Gallery just lying on the ground, and well, we picked it up and took it home...unbeknownst to anyone that it would someday serve its destined purpose of being a Tweak prize...which can and will be yours if you win this Tweak. (Photo to follow shortly.)
Sex Change Movies (Part 2)
Okay, last time out we did the girl to guy film, now it's time we do the guy to girl film. Recapping for those who might not have seen the contest premise last time: We all know there are guy films and girl films...and you pretty much can tell the first 15 minutes into one, which category it falls under. Basically if you turn to the male in the room and they are still awake after 15 minutes, it's a guy film...if they aren't...well, you do the math...and if you do lots of crying and proclaim intermittently during the film (or after) "Damn, how come you don't act THAT way to me"...it's probably a chick flick. Yes, I am rather categorizing all males/females here, but we need you to do just that for this next Tweak. What we want you to do this time around is to take a typical "Guy Film" and give it the feminine touch. How we want you to accomplish this is to alter the title just a tad to make it more of a girl film...and then change the plot to something more girly-like as well. Keeping the original plot-line somewhat but making it now geared to the opposite sex will earn you more bonus points. We don't need overly wordy plots here...just something that would get the point across without being as long as the film itself. Now, since not everyone's idea of a "Guy Flick" will be the same, I am going to rely on your best judgement...but if you say something like "An Affair To Remember"...I will personally call upon the soul of Cary Grant to come to your house and smack you...but not before he comes here for a while. There are a couple examples I came up with below to get your creative juices flowing.
Please put the original film title along with the altered one...I'm good, but I'm not that good to figure them all out. Just a helpful hint... http://www.imdb.com has everything you could ever want to know about films...and if you are stuck, could help you out immensely. (Just a friendly request: We know you don't know the plot to every movie...but if you are going to paraphrase a plot already written, which I have no problem with you doing...please do just that...try to reword it in your own style. We didn't ask that of you last time, so we let each one slide, but this time I am imploring you to change more than a few words to make it your own creation.)
Chain Reaction - Change Reaction: A team of women scientists come up with a simple alternative to costly...and dangerous hormone replacement therapy for women who are going thru the change of life, aka menopause. The big drug company execs, Matt and Roberto, aren't too happy with this and decide to put an end to their research. As luck would have it...upon their first run-in...they all fall head over heels in love, vowing not only their undying love, but to merge their combined incomes together to ensure a great, safe product. Who said women with brains don't end up with the guy in the end?
Memento - Mementos of You: A woman awakens after being in a car accident...with no memories...the only clue she has to go on are Polaroids of a beautiful exotic land and of one special man with whom she undoubtedly spent lots of time with. Will she be able to retrace her steps leading up to her accident and find the man of her dreams...or will she be forever haunted by the loving gaze of a man she will never come to know...again. Journey with Shelby as she goes on an amazing journey with hidden surprises along the way.