Tweak Of The Week XCVIII: Something Old, Something New
(Updated 12 Sep 04)

Well, we can see where the majority of the mindset is these days...and it's on the elections/candidates...so, we give you a long list of good "old to new songs"...with a touch of Mark Russellesque political satirizing thrown in as well. And, no...we here at HMO don't care who you vote for...we only care about your entries. :)

Pop Goes the Weasel: All around the Internet the users find some adverts.
When they think they are all but done, POP! goes a porn ad.
When you go to surf the net, and reach a page you should not have.... POP! goes a porn ad.
I got myself some Google help,
Installed the latest toolbar-
When I surf those nasty sites it stops all the porn ads. (Electronicwaffle@yahoo.com)

Three Blind Mice: Screw Anne Rice, screw Anne Rice.
See what she writes, see what she writes.
All about vampires and naked chicks.
She uses blood lust to get her kicks.
It just don't appeal to us backwoods hicks.
Screw Anne Rice! (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Has Anybody Seen My Gal?: Brand new nose, Bust that shows, Booty, yes Sir, one of those...Has anybody seen my (Extreme Make-over) gal? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Home on the Range: Home, home, on the driving range...
Where the golf pro and the novice play...
Where often is heard...
These mind boggling words:
'My wife is expecting today'! (maxcel200@aol.com)

Oh Susanna!: O-Osama! Oh don't you pray for me. I come from New York City with a hand gun on my knee. (jajuta@comcast.net)

Loch Lomond: You take the high carb, and I'll take the low carb, and I'll get my weight down before you! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Has Anybody Seen My Gal?: Six feet two, eyes of blue... Mustache glue and muscles too, Oh what a sex change operation can do... Has anybody seen my gal? (maxcel200@aol.com)

Chattanooga Choo Choo: Pardon me, Dick, is that the Cheney Gravy Choo Choo?
Chuggin' straight to Iraq
For a sweetheart kickback.
Haliburton gets contracts for three billion or four--
Then a subsidiary gets a few billion more--
Shovel all the dough in--
Gotta keep it rollin'--
Cheney gravy Cheney gravy--
Oh, Cheney Gravy Choo Choo... Won't you choo choo back home? (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

Row, Row, Row Your Boat: Owe, owe, owe the debt
Now above 5 Trillion
Cajillion zillion million dollars
Bushonomics are the villain. (chharget@aol.com)

Home On the Range: Home, Home on the Range
Where Laura and Georgie play
Where seldom is heard
Any intelligible word
While Georgie keeps talking all day. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean: Bin Laden lies over the ocean.
Bin Laden lies over the sea.
George Bush says we can't find Bin Laden.
Oh, somebody shoot him for me. (Bin Laden that is...don't shoot Bush.) (jygirl8@aol.com)

Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush: Here we go 'round the actual facts,
The actual facts, the actual facts.
Here we go 'round the actual facts,
In an election season.
This is the way we wash our image,
Wash our image, wash our image.
This is the way we wash our image,
We try to change the subject.
This is the way we iron our differences,
Iron our differences, iron our differences.
This is the way we iron our differences;
Call the other side traitors. (chharget@aol.com)

It's a Long Way to Tipperary: It's a long way to get on TV,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to get on TV,
I'll do anything to be part of the show.
Chew on a water lily,
Show my hinder bare.
It's a long, long way to get on TV,
My dignity? I don't care! (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Would you Like to Swing on a Star?: Would you like to dance in my bar?
Wear a G-string and do things bizarre
Be discovered and be a big star...Or would you rather be a fool?
A fool is a person who works many years
Sharing a cubicle with peers.
Every day is the same, five days of the week
It's just plain boring, a life for a geek
And by the way, if you let conscience rule...You may grow up to be a fool.
So would you like to dance in my bar?
Wink at that old guy with the cigar
And run if you see that ole police car...Or would you rather be a fool? (pjb1671@netscape.net)

This next one's so long - I left it "unstanza'd"...we figured you can manage the separating yourself...

Swing Low, Sweet Chariot: Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home, Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home. I looked at my garden, and what did I see? Coming forth to Kerry my home, A band of supporters coming after me, Coming forth to Kerry my home. Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home, Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home. Now I see signs blocking my view, Coming forth to Kerry my home, And all my friends now have them too, Coming forth to Kerry my home. Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home, Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home. I'm sometimes left and sometimes right, Coming forth to Kerry my home, But still my soul fears election night, Coming forth to Kerry my home. Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home, Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home. The brightest day that I can say, Coming forth to Kerry my home, When this campaign has gone away, Coming forth to Kerry my home. Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home, Swing vote, sweet democrat, Coming forth to Kerry my home. (murdoctor@aol.com)

We have two runners-up this time around...

When Johnny Comes Marching Home: When Johnny is shipped off to Iraq (Huzzah, huzzah)
He's hoping like hell he makes it back (Huzzah, huzzah)
And what's the reason he risks his ass?
Democracy... or the price of gas?
What a rotten deal when Johnny's shipped to Iraq. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

Makin' Whoopie: Another vote, another ad
Another hope 'twon't be so bad
Election season, with all sad reasons...For votin' Dubya
His macho words, elicit fear
Voters are nervous, election year
The mud's a flyin', and soldiers dyin'...For votin' Dubya
Picture his simple future
Run by the far right wing
Picture this rosy future
With what reality can bring
Enormous debts, a few more wars
No tax for billionaires, for ever more
But don't forget folks
That's what you get folks...for votin' Dubya. (chharget@aol.com)

And the winner, who will receive whatever it was I promised them so long ago (hey, I looked and it's those Devil Ray's sunglasses)...and some Rat's Asses...

My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean: My bong lies under the floorboards
My bong lies in a small nook
My bong lies under the floorboards
A place where no one will look!
Don't tell, don't tell...
Where I hide my bong, my bong
Don't tell, don't tell
Where I hide my bong!
Last night I smoked a bit too much
Last night I fell on the ground
Last night I got all paranoid
I feared that my bong had been found! (colie7922@aol.com)




My prize this time around is an American Greetings pack of 8 "Thank You" cards and envelopes...plus 8 blank notes (and envelopes)...for when you don't know what to say, I guess. I bought a bunch of these when I received all those wonderful and tacky prizes for HMO's anniversary...but, being the slacker I am...I kinda like maybe sent out 4...yes, I am slime...I admit. But remember, it's in the giving or something like that...so uh...that's what counts...not getting a "Thank You" card from me that you will just toss out anyway. Regardless, they are in brand new condition...and valued at a whopping $4.95 as stated on the back of the plastic they are in...but rest assured, you know I only shelled out a mere fraction of this or it wouldn't be up for grabs! Hey, did I say that? Nah...anyway...they can be yours (and dammit, I better get one back if you win) ... IF, and only IF you win this Tweak.


Don't Quote Me

I thought of this idea driving home about a month ago and thought it might be fun to try as a TOTW contest. We all know those memorable quotes from films that people start repeating so much they end up being more known than the film itself. Face it, would Arnold be governor if he hadn't said "I'll be back?" Well, we will never know...but when you hear it, you know it's his catchphrase without even thinking. And those are the ones we are talking about here...ones that pretty much everyone knows...but there's a twist. We thought it would be fun if you would change the quote a tad (just a little mind you)...and basically rewrite screen history. Change the whole concept of the film...change the whole attitude of the character, etc....with just a simple edit...again nothing much...just tweak it a bit. But do your best to make sure people will probably forget it.

If you are having trouble coming up with quotes...you can always look them up via this link...www.imdb.com...THE best movie information site out there (pop in the movie title/actor's name, etc.) in the "search the imdb" block...then when it loads, in the left column is a link for "memorable quotes"...simple as that. Please include the movie, the character or actual actor saying it...and the original PLUS the changed quote. I know it's a lot to list...but it will be easier on myself and others who might not know the original quote verbatim to differentiate the subtle differences.

I came up with this change of a well-known one on that ride home a month ago...and my son and I both had a laugh over it...so it will serve as my one and only example (I only put it below the original quote as this one was quite long - you don't have to go to the trouble yourself when you submit yours). Just remember to read it like Eastwood would. ;)

Example:

Dirty Harry - Clint Eastwood: (Original) You're thinking, "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

(Changed) You're thinking, "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya...sir?